False Dawn
by ScarlettAstor
Summary: Leah, trapped at La Push, unable to leave because of obligations to her family and pack. Harper, travelling the US in hopes of escaping her memories and grief. Can the two them find happiness together or will there just be more turmoil. Leah/OC Femmeslash
1. Having Run So Far

**(Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I'm going to play with the world though. In some things I will do my best to be accurate, in others not so much. This story will involve an f/f relationship/romance, if you can't handle this consider yourself warned. I will disregard any homophobic reviews. I do hope you enjoy this story though, I enjoy writing it. I'm happy to accept corrections and constructive criticisms. In all things have fun, and be kind.) The Pov in the story will change from Harper to Leah chapter by chapter. **

**Chapter 1 – Harper – Having Run So Far**

The dark forest closed in around La Push road as I coaxed a little more power from my van's engine. The van had been struggling for the past forty kilometers… miles rather, and I was really hoping it would hold out until I reached the small coastal settlement. Listening to the engine whine, I cursed myself for not stopping in Forks to try and find a mechanic, but the day was drawing to a close, and I had wanted to reach the coast before nightfall. It was often difficult to find a quiet place to park my van for the night, and if I wasn't careful I might find myself driving around until the early morning trying to find a decent place to pull up. Unfortunately the van decided that my plans didn't really matter all that much to it, and as it trundled its way between the damp green and brown trees, I was beginning to get a sinking feeling that it might not make it La Push at all, let alone keep moving long enough to find a nice place to sleep. It wasn't surprising really.

The van was a '66 model VW Kombi, and although it had been well loved by its previous owner, reconditioned and altered for comfort, I had been driving it pretty hard for the past few months. I'd bought the van, for a generously small amount from an old woman in San Francisco, shortly after I'd arrived in the US in June. I'd been fresh off the plane and ridiculously jet-lagged when I'd stumbled up to her doorstep in answer to an ad she'd put online. In some ways that was how this all started.

…

Celeste Winterson lived in a gorgeous old Victorian style house at the end of lazy street. I wasn't the first itinerant traveler to show up at her doorstep, but I was the only one at the time. She'd grinned, and invited me in with a cool drink and snack. A single woman in her early sixties, Celeste still had some throw back habits to her hippie days. She ran her boarding house almost like a commune. The price of lodging was almost nothing, so long as you were willing to help out with housework and groceries, keep your room clean, and join her for a "family dinner." That first day she'd kept me awake with friendly chatter, and games of cards, until I was exhausted and the sun had just set. That night I slept through till morning, barely feeling my body clock telling me it was time to wake up on the other side of the world.

I was in a pretty bad state in those days, but I think she realised. It felt so strange to be in a completely different country; especially a country where every voice sounded achingly similar to my father's, where I was supposed to somehow carve out a place for myself. For the first few days I had barely been able to contemplate leaving the house. Instead I hung around with Celeste, cleaning, weeding her seemingly endless vegetable garden, and helping her cook amazing meals that almost seemed wasted on just the two of us.

She gave me my space, let me keep my peace. Instead of asking questions, she told me stories about the roaring 60s. Amazing stories. Some were beautiful, the one about how she'd run away from home at sixteen and hitch-hiked to San Francisco with a bunch of travelling musicians. She spent her first night in the city playing guitar and singing in a park overlooking the bay. There was a crowd and they all stayed up until sunrise. Someone offered her a room in a share house, and suddenly she'd found a home, friends and a community that shared all her dreams and ideals. Telling these stories, her eyes would like up and her hands would stop whatever they were doing to animate her conversation. The years seemed to slip away and I could almost see the young woman she'd been, naïve, sheltered, but full of passion and determination.

Then, other times, her stories took a darker route. She'd look away almost as if she was talking to herself, and I would feel a sense of voyeurism, almost as if I was an intruder walking through her doubts and fears. She talked about how, as the years passed, they'd watched their hopes and dreams crash burn. Relationships broke apart in arguments and power struggles. She'd realised that the people she'd admired, respected and almost worshipped were just as flawed, and petty and damaged as anyone else. There was fire and violence in the streets, matching the war worlds away on foreign soils.

"In the end we all either got caught out, or we sold out, or we burned out." She caught my expression, shocked at this admission of defeat, and grinned, "Aw, don't look so glum!" Then Celeste paused for a moment, holding my eyes. "We, all of us at some point, have to realise that we've become the things we hate, or rather that some part of us always was. It's the only way we can learn."

A silence drew out between us for a while, until in near desperation I had to ask, "Learn what?"

She smiled again, softer this time, "That hate is the most damaging emotion that we can have. Also, I guess, that anytime we find ourselves hating, we usually hate a part of ourselves as well, and that never leads to any good. Eventually, if we're lucky we learn to keep trying. Not to change the world, at least not in some grand anger fuelled gesture, but we keep trying to change ourselves, or rather to live as we want to, in accordance with the things we love, not in spite of the things we hate. It's a difficult lesson that one, I haven't got it down yet," Suddenly her grin return, even brighter than before, "But god be damned if I don't keep trying." She put down her trowel, we'd been weeding a long section of sweet potatoes, she called them yams. "I think it's time for a break, sometimes, out here under the sun I get to far ahead of myself, or whatever. Look Harper I don't want to tell you what to do, or think, you've got to figure that out for yourself. Just let me know if I can help," Again the grin, "Oh and do stop me if I ramble too much. Lemonade?" Before I could say anything else, she'd brushed her hands off on her overalls and headed inside.

After that day she started asking questions. Not intrusively, but just enough to start to draw me out. She asked questions I was willing to answer. Where in Australia was I from? How long was I intending to stay in the States and what did I want to see and do? When I told her that I was technically a citizen because my father had migrated to marry my mum, and that I intended to stay indefinitely, she demanded I keep in touch, especially if I stayed in California.

"Although why you'd want to live anywhere else I don't know." Celeste waved a hand, somehow indicating the whole of San Francisco, "I've had a lifelong love affair with this city. Where are you going to go though, sorry if this is prying, but do you have any plans?"

At least she hadn't asked about my parents, even mentioning them had been difficult, but I think Celeste was intuitive enough to know where not to venture with her questions. Still this one was more than difficult enough, and eventually I had to admit that I had no answer.

"Just coming here, making the big separation, selling everything back home, it was so much to deal with I didn't have space in my head to fit anything else." I looked away sheepishly, "I mean, there are some things I'll send for… if I decide to settle down. There's money in the bank, and, well I don't know, I just had to come here. I had to see the place my… see where half my heritage is. I couldn't stay, but I haven't really got any idea where I'm going either." I couldn't meet her eyes as I admitted the last part. Already in the short time I'd spent under her roof I'd come to admire Celeste, and the total lack of plans suddenly seemed irresponsible. Crazily, I felt almost as if I was disappointing her.

Celeste reached across the table and took a hold of my hand. When I looked up she's grinning at me again, "You're 22 years old Harper, you don't need to know exactly what you're doing. I don't know what brought you here, all the way from Australia, but whatever it is you need your own time to deal with it. I have an idea that you might like, but well it's entirely up to you." She stood up and gestured me towards the garage door. It was like one of those stupid movies, when you see the sheet covered car. There was almost a dramatic pause as Celeste pulled the sheet off of the van. There it was, everything I was looking for inside a green VW Bus. A gas powered stove, a double bed, with storage space underneath, a fridge and a sink with a water storage tank, a home that I could take anywhere I wanted to go.

"After everything went to hell, when I was a little older than you, I lived in this old thing for nearly eighteen months just travelling from place to place. It was during that time that I figured out what to do with my life, and how I came to terms with… well, all of my own demons." She grinned, "If you want it, it's yours. Just make sure you come back and visit."

At first I was too shocked to accept, but eventually I managed to convince her to take $300 dollars for it, and she insist on stocking the van with enough supplies to feed a small army. So I'd spent the next few months travelling up the west coast, taking my time, but always moving. Trying to leave my memories behind.

…

"Fuck! Buggerbugger. Shit!" Desperately trying to will the engine to hold on, I had to make a split decision between what appeared to be a narrow service road, and an equally thin road, leading to what I could only hope was a small parking lot by the beach. Biting my lip and trusting my luck, I swung the van to the left and turned towards the beach. My fingers were crossed on the steering wheel, as the van's engine spluttered its last and then fell silent.

"Comeoncomeoncomeon, please lovely just keep going," I changed into neutral, took my foot off of the brake pedal and tried to use the last of my forward momentum to get the van into the parking lot. But, as luck would have it, the road rose slightly to a crest before rolling down towards the beach.

"Come on, come on, C'MON! UGH!" The van slowed, stopped and began to roll backwards towards the main road.

"Damnit!" I slammed on the brake and wrenched up the handbrake before the van could roll back into the street. "Please, please start!" I turned the key, the van rumbled, but refused to start. I got even less response the second attempt.

"I hate you!" The van neither listened, nor cared. I sighed, feeling rather stupid, opened the door and hopped out. "I know you weigh a tonne, but could you please just try to cooperate?"

Frustrating times call for stupid measures. I should have thought about what I was doing before I did it, but I can be a genius all the time. With one hand on the wheel and my feet on the ground I released the handbrake, stupidly hoping I'd be able to push the van over the crest and into a parking spot. I forgot to take gravity into account. The moment the handbrake came off, the slope, and the weight of the van trying to roll down said slope, knocked me off my feet and onto the ground. I suppose I should have been glad the van didn't roll over me, but I was more dismayed and pissed off at the sight of my van making its merry way into the curb. Now instead of being stopped near the side of the road, the van was bum up against the curb, standing immovable at an angle that entirely blocked the narrow road.

There were only a couple of cars in the parking lot this late in the afternoon, but not one of them would be able to get past my stupid, fucking broken down van. Rather than just being a personal inconvenience, this situation had turned into a giant annoyance to people I didn't even know. I hated situations that drew unwanted attention my way.

I'm ashamed of what I did then. I must have looked like a madwoman, as I stormed over to my now immobile vehicle, waving my hands in the air, raging inarticulately. I'd actually started kicking the bumper bar, when a soft, laughing voice spoke behind me, "You look like you could use some help."

I stopped mid kick, feeling my anger drain away leaving behind a clammy feeling of exertion, and embarrassment. I must have been flushed, because when I put my hands to my face to push my hair behind my ears, it felt ridiculously warm. I tried to put on my best amiable, if somewhat sheepish, grin, and turned to face the voice.

"Sorry, I… I just… Well nothing seems to be going right just this minute." He was tall, very tall, well over six foot. "I really don't want to trap everyone else here all night. I guess I really could use a hand."

He grinned, and I realised there was something incredibly young about his face. Even though he looked to be in his twenties at least, something about his expression seemed too _innocent. _It almost softened the lines of his high cheek bones and strong jaw. "Just let me get my friend and we'll help you get out of the way."

Before I could say anything else, he turned and jogged towards the beach. He'd only gone a few metres before he yelled, "Hey! Embry! C'mere!" he paused, seemed to listen for a moment, and then jogged back towards me. "With Embry helping, we put this van anywhere you want it." He grinned again, and again I caught a strong impression of youth.

"Thank you, really. I don't know what made try to roll it on my own." I ran another nervous hand through my hair, "Ugh, sorry, I'm Harper, by the way. Are you a local?"

"Born and bred, I'm Seth." He extended a hand and I shook it, glad to notice he had a solid handshake. For some reason I could never get a good impression off of someone who didn't shake hands well. I felt myself smiling, and Seth grinned again, "But don't thank me yet, I haven't done anything, and Embry seems to be taking his sweet time." Again he yelled over his shoulder, "Embry!"

"Settle down pup! I'm coming." Another incredibly tall figure was making his way towards us and the stranded van. "What's the problem?" I'm a tall person myself, but with these two standing next to me I felt incredibly short.

"This is Harper. She has an accent. Her van is broken. We're going to help her roll it into the lot, because we're friendly locals, who are hospitable representatives of our fine community. Also don't call me pup." Seth said all in a breath. Embry raised an eyebrow at me, and then shook his head at Seth.

"Alright puppy." He looked down at me, and like Seth offered a solid handshake. "I'm Embry, don't let this little guy wear you out. Technically the beach and the lot are for day use only, but your van really doesn't look like it's going anywhere far. At least not tonight."

"I'm really sorry." I tend to over apologise when I'm nervous. Plus it seemed bizarre that anyone would call Seth little.

"Nah, it's all good. Like the pup said, hospitality, friendly community blah blah." Embry smiled reassuringly, "Do you want to take the wheel? Seth and I will get it moving."

I sighed with relief, "Thank you, so much."

I took my place at the driver's side door and leaned over the seat to seat. With surprisingly little effort the two guys managed to get the van rolling up the crest. I had to jog to keep up, and as we made it over the rise I jumped into the driver's seat and steered the van into an empty spot at the corner of the lot. Finally parked, and no longer a public nuisance, I took a moment to rest my head on the steering wheel and catch my breath. I hated that I had been helpless, even if only for a moment. I should have been able to handle this. I hated that the van wasn't working, and that I couldn't just drive straight out of here. I was really annoyed at myself, but quickly pushed this little storm of guilt and frustration away, before climbing out of the van once again. I had to thank my rescuers.

Seth and Embry, friendly locals, and good Samaritans. They grinned at me as I tried to thank them again, and brushed away my apologies.

"Don't worry about it," Seth said, "It's not like it was that difficult."

"At least let me offer you a drink or something." I said, and before they could answer, I opened the van's sliding door, and reached into the small cooler/fridge. I only had juice, but they seemed happy to accept, and for a moment we all stood around in mildly awkward silence. Out across the ocean, the sun was beginning to slip below the horizon.

"So, whereabouts are you from?" Embry asked, "We don't usually get many international tourists here, they tend not to stray too from Seattle, or the National Parks."

"Queensland, in Australia," I said, "But I'm not exactly a tourist. Not really… it's kind of a long story." I let my tone convey just enough tiredness to dissuade further questions. "Hey, would either of you know of a mechanic around here who could get me up and running again? I really don't like staying in one place to long… Not that this isn't a friendly and hospitable town."

They both grinned. "Our friend Jake builds cars, he's good with VWs. I'm sure he could get you up and running." Seth said enthusiastically. "I'll see if I can bring him by here tomorrow."

"Wow, you really do take the hospitality thing seriously huh."

Embry laughed, "Well Seth more so than most, but that's just 'cause he's so adorable! Aren't you puppy?"

Seth glared and seemed about to retort, but just then the wind seemed pick up, and I felt the temperature drop. From the woods there came the faint sound of a wolf howling. The boys exchanged glances and fell silent. I suddenly felt their urge to leave.

"Look, I'll be fine for tonight, and I really am grateful for your help but I'm sure you've both got things you need to do. I really can't take any more of your time."

Embry smiled and nodded, but Seth looked conflicted for a moment. "Are you sure you're alright here, it gets pretty cold this time of year. My mom's house is just a block that way…"

I stopped him before he could finish, "I've got everything I need here, and I've had colder nights. I'll be fine. Thanks again both of you. Goodnight Seth, Embry."

Embry grabbed Seth's shoulder and nodded his goodnight.

"Goodnight! Nice to meet you Harper! See you!" Seth called out as Embry dragged him away into the gather dusk.

Relieved to be alone, I leant against door, and stared out to sea. As the last rays of the sun slipped away, I took a deep breath and steeled myself for another night. If I was lucky I would be able to keep my thoughts and memories far enough away.


	2. Going Nowhere Fast

**Chapter 2 – Leah – Going Nowhere Fast**

It was one of those days. I'd spent nearly all day running patrol, which I wouldn't mind really if I could just get a little damn privacy. But, of course with our expanded territory, and with Jacob's new "teamwork" regime, I had spent the whole day sharing my every thought with Quil Ateara and his new fascination with Barbie dolls. Claire, the infantile, future love of Quil's life, had recently taken an interest in playing dolls, something which Quil of course found adorable and totally enthralling. Meanwhile I couldn't help but spend the whole day thinking about how utterly bizarre it was for a teenage boy to dote on a tiny child as if she were, not only his daughter, but his very best friend. I couldn't help thinking how desperately cruel it was for an imprinted wolf to lose all say in who they loved and even who they were. It didn't seem to be a great gig for the imprintee either. I couldn't imagine the thought of some guy declaring I was their one and only true love, and I had no say in it. I'd run, just get the hell outta dodge, I thought.

By the time the shadows began to lengthen into dusk I was nearly out of my mind with the mixture of conflicting thoughts sharing my brain. I tried to just let my consciousness sink into the pad of my feet on the ground; lose myself in the rhythm of heartbeat and motion. I let my senses stretch out from me, but my restless mind kept snagging on interesting smells and sounds. I felt a strange pull in me, growing stronger, and more frustrating. I felt like running, but I didn't know where to go. I could feel my frustration turning into a nasty mood. Sunset signaled patrol changeover, but if I couldn't get control of my temper I'd be stuck as a wolf for another patrol shift, and I was not in the mood for it.

I felt a growl working its way up my throat and suppressed it. I clamped down on my thoughts and focused again on my senses. My patrol circuit was heading back towards La Push, and let my hearing span out to take in the sounds of the small town. Rather than listening to any specific thing, I let all the sounds converge into soothing hum. At least I tried to, but on particular stand of sound stood out. Automatically I honed in on it, only to find the sound of my brother, Embry, and another person down near First Beach. I felt my frustration return, they were supposed to be next on patrol, and instead they were chatting with some stranger on the beach. I sat back and gave a howl of annoyance before I could stop myself.

_Leah! What's happening?_ Quil's thoughts burst into my mind again.

_Nothing, sorry. Just my idiot brother and Embry, wasting time. I'm just tired, and irritated. _I sent my hearing back to the beach and managed to catch a final scrap of conversation

"…. I really can't take any more of your time." The voice was one of the most fascinating sounds I had ever heard. I could tell it was a girl's voice, although it was somewhat low. She had a strange accent, I couldn't quite place it, but it was rich and… attractive. I couldn't shake it, until Seth's voice cut through my consciousness, he was saying hurried farewells as he and Embry made for the woods. I felt a strange mix of emotions, relief that my patrol was finally over and I could have my headspace to myself again, and overwhelming curiosity about who my brother and pack mate had been speaking to.

_I don't get why you're so interested Leah. She's probably just some tourist looking for a local experience. _

_Quil! Stay out of my head ok? I'm just a little curious is all. _Again I felt my frustration return.

_Chill out Leah, sorry. _Quil sounded contrite, and so I let it go.

_Sorry Quil, I'm just in a weird mood. _I made my way back to the small grove of trees where I'd stored my clothes this morning. Just as I reached my destination I felt two new minds join Quil's and mine.

_Leah! Is anything wrong, we heard you howling? Are you ok? _Seth's chipper little mind piped up in a worried tone.

_Sorry Seth, it's been a long day. You were running late… What were you up to anyway? _The last question forced its way into my mind involuntarily.

_Just a girl, her car broke down, we helped her move it. _Embry answered, and in his thoughts I saw flashes of their interaction replayed. In their minds I saw a tall girl, with tired eyes and tightly curling blonde hair. I felt a strange surge of confusion, and suddenly the thought of sharing my mind with my pack mate's became too much.

_I'm going home, like I said it's been a long day. _Before Seth could ask me what was up I phased, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was like stepping out of a noisy room full of too-loud voices, and into a cool, quiet night.

I dressed quickly, took my time enjoying the long leisurely walk back home. I felt a strange urge to detour past First Beach. Specifically past the parking lot, where I knew I would find a green Kombi van, and a strange girl who I'd never met. _Stupid,_ I thought to myself, _She's just some tourist girl. _Although I had to admit, most tourists came in groups, and in the summer. I wondered what she was doing here, why had she come to La Push this late in the year and all by herself at that? I found myself wishing that I had stayed wolf long enough to find out her name, and some more of her story. I almost turned around and went back, but I stopped myself in time. I sighed; the long day on patrol had fried my brain more than I thought. I shook my head, trying to clear it. _I'm just tired,_ I thought,_ Home, dinner and a good night's sleep is all I need. _

Trying to keep my resolve, I jogged the rest of the way home, letting the door swing shut behind me. It closed with a slam, and I heard mom in the kitchen.

"You're late!" she called out, "Are you hunger?"

"Hi mom. Seth and Embry got held up at the beach, so I was stuck waiting for them." I strode into the kitchen, and gave my mom a quick kiss on the cheek. She was already serving up a large plate of food, spaghetti bolognaise with meatballs and salad. With her hair cut short and spiky, mom looked more like a powerhouse than ever before. I couldn't help admiring my mom. There was a strength in her that I envied. She'd lost my dad, and had to deal with two werewolf children, but aside from the occasional sadness around her eyes, she hadn't let any of it slow her down. I wasn't crazy about her dating Charlie Swan, but I was glad that she could still find happiness. She hadn't gone to pieces like I had over Sam.

I was surprised to realize that this was the first time I had thought about Sam today. Usually at least a small part of everyday was dedicated to my feelings of guilt, angry and rejection. Today, instead of slipping into bitterness, I smiled at my mom as she put the plate in front of me and sat down.

"So, how was the day? Any unwelcome guests in the woods?" She asked.

"Nah, it was all pretty routine, mundane, annoying. Sometimes it just gets a bit much, sharing my brain with all of them." I looked over at her and grimaced ruefully.

"I know it's rough honey, but surely it's easier now that the packs are separated?"

"It is, really it is. I'm just irritable today… And Seth had to go out and play Good Samaritan instead of getting to patrol on time." I frowned, as the irritation I'd been feeling all day rose again.

"What was that boy up to this time?" Mom rolled her eyes, and grinned, trying to put me at ease. Instead she struck on the one subject that wound through the centre of all my thoughts.

I groaned, "There's this girl, some tourist or something. Seth and Embry help her move her van, it had broken down near First Beach." I felt myself frowning, "There's something about. She smells different, and what's a young girl doing travelling by herself at this time of year. It's going to be getting real cold, real soon."

"Did you meet her?" Mom looked at me curiously.

"No, I just saw her in Seth's head." I looked away feeling strangely embarrassed.

Mom furrowed her brow, "Do you think he's… interested in her." With wolves imprinting left, right and centre, Mom never seemed sure whether to hope or fear that either Seth or I would be the next ones to fall helplessly in love with the next stranger we met.

"I don't think so; he's just too friendly for his own good. I'm sure I would have known if he had. All the others reek of it; all they can think about is their imprints. Seth was still Seth last I saw. Still it's good that he helped her out. I wonder if she's doing ok out there by the beach. It's starting to get cold."

Mom looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "I'm sure she's fine, but are you ok? You seem a little out of it."

I shook my head, and rested it in my hands, "I'm fine, really. I just, I'm tired. It was a long day." I looked down at my half eaten dinner, and realized I wasn't hungry. "I think I might just get an early night, I was up at dawn after all. Thanks for dinner mom, have a good night." I gave her another kiss on the cheek, and headed down the hall to my room, and closed the door behind me.

Small like everything else in our little house, my room with, its polished wood walls, was quiet and comfortable. As I prepared myself for bed, I finally let myself begin to relax. I changed into an old tank top and a pair of boxer shorts, and then headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Still feeling the last vestiges of the day's frustration, I splashed water on face. In the mirror, dark, confused eyes stared back at me. Dark, arched eyebrows creased above an angular and strong boned face, but I couldn't meet my own questioning face for more than a few moments. I turned away, made my way back to my room, and buried myself under the covers.

I tried to sleep, but I found I was too restless. Instead my mind kept wandering back to First Beach, and the girl, who by now would probably be curled up in her van trying to sleep while the waves and the wind roared outside. For some reason, once I stopped fighting it, thinking about her being warm and safe helped me relax. Finally feeling sleep creep up on me, I imagined her face, thick eyelashes resting on her cheeks, thick ringlets arrayed messily around her face. I feel asleep to the sound of her breathing.

…

It was cold on the beach. The wind whipped at my short hair, and stung my eyes. I could taste the burn of salt and feel the sting of sand on my skin. I could feel someone watching, and spun around trying to see who was there, but I couldn't see anyone. Further ahead I caught sight of a green van; something about it seemed to draw me forward. _It'll be warm there, _I thought, but just as I was about to walk towards it a huge black wolf leap out of the tree line and blocked my path.

_Did you think I didn't know Leah? Did you think you could hide it from me? _Sam's voice rang in my mind with the double toned force of an alpha's command. I felt my knees give out under the pressure of his fury. I sank down onto the sand and stone, and felt all the guilt and pain flare up at the feeling of his mind against mine.

I fought against the weight that made my shoulders droop and my head hang forward. He had no right! No goddamned right! I heard the sound of his footsteps drawing closer, as the force of his mind continued to batter at me. _Why do you think I imprinted on Emily? Why do you think no one has imprinted on you? _

I wrenched my face up to meet his accusing eyes, gasping for breath I spat at the ground at his feet. "Get the _hell_ out of my head Sam Uley! You've got no right being there, not anymore!" I glared into his cold, dark eyes, and resisted every impulse that screamed at me to submit. He may have been my Alpha, he may have been my first love, but he was none of these things, not anymore!

I struggled to my feet, and stood, shaking, in front of him. "You've got nothing over me Sam. No get out of my way!" With every ounce of strength I had I took a step forward. Almost as if he were afraid of me, the black wolf took a step backwards. I continued forwards, and he kept backing away. As I drew closer to the green van, I felt myself growing stronger. Sam sank down onto his haunches, a low whine rose from his muzzle. He looked up at me with pleading eyes.

_Lee Lee, _I cringed at the old nickname, _It's not supposed to be like this. You'll destroy us all. Nobody will look at you again. Don't do this!_

"Sam, this has nothing to do with you! I'm done listening to you. Now _MOVE!"_ Every angry feeling I'd had since Sam first laid eyes on Emily, since my father died while I was stuck in a goddamned wolf body, every fear and doubt turned to lead, threw itself into my voice, and slammed into Sam like a fist. He jumped out of my way with a yelp, like he'd been punched. My whole body shook and I felt the burning tremors as my wolf form took over. Sam looked up at me in terror, crawling away, dragging his stomach along the ground. I just stood there growling, waves of rage rolled over me. I was a tiny ship of consciousness lost in a maelstrom of dangerous emotions, completely out of control. For a moment, I thought I was going mad. Any second now I would leap forward and rip out Sam's fucking throat.

My muscles bunched as I prepared to spring. I wasn't myself anymore; I was a monster, destructive and terrible. Every part of myself that I was afraid of, every thought that I had pushed down and locked away in the bottom of my soul, broke free and swept away everything sane and conscious inside of me. I was no one, I was nothing, I was only rage and destruction.

Then I felt it. A cool hand reached up and placed itself firmly on the fur of my shoulder. My head whipped around and I growled.

"It's alright. Shhh, it'll be ok." Her hand dug deeper into my fur, and I felt a coolness spread out from the point of contact. I felt the growl die on my lips as I saw the halo of blonde ringlets. Her eyes were downcast. She seemed focused on the spot where her hand and my shoulder met. The reality of her, there by my side, was enough to make everything else fall away.

A tremor ripped through me. I felt her hand tremble and suddenly her face pressed against my neck. Her arms wrapped around me. It was as if there was an earthquake tearing through my body. I threw my head back and howled as my form fell away from me.

The world stopped shaking, and I came to, naked, in her arms. It was as if every knot inside of me had been unraveled. I felt raw and exhausted, but safe, warm and home. I opened my eyes, wanting to meet hers, wanting to see her.

But when I looked up her eyes were closed. She was the one shaking. A sound of almost inhuman pain rang out through the night and I realized she was screaming. I lifted my hand, to touch her face, to ease her pain somehow. As I did, her eyes flew open, and she shattering into a million shining pieces.

I recoiled, and felt myself fall backwards, down into endless cold and darkness.

...

I snapped awake, a scream dying on my lips. I was freezing. I'd kicked my blankets to the floor. I scooped them up and burrowed into my bed. Already I could feel the memory of the dream slipping away from me. All that was left was an image of a face filled with pain. I had a terrible feeling that something huge and inevitable was headed towards me, and I was powerless to stop it.


	3. No Escaping

**Chapter 3 – Harper – No Escaping **

It was just before sunrise when I woke from a troubled sleep. As usual, I was curled up in a tight ball against the van's rear window. Despite the cold I could feel seeping in through the glass, I was warm and comfortable under my blankets. I dreaded the thought of leaving my comfortable nest, but the remnants of the dream I couldn't remember, and the beginnings of the terrible cloud of memories that loomed over me whenever I stopped moving for too long, chased me out of bed.

Shivering ridiculously in the early morning I gathered my clothes together to get dressed. I was having a little difficulty adjusting to the cold Northern American weather. Sure it sometimes felt below 0 Celsius in Queensland, in the hours before dawn in the dead of winter, but here it was already colder than the coldest winter months back home, and it was only October!

Dressed in long woollen leggings, green fisherman pants, a tank top, a long sleeved black top, a cardigan and a black hoodie, I began to feel brave enough to face the early morning. I considered making a pot of tea, but decided I wanted to go for a run first. My dad had always been at me to take better care of my body. Now that they weren't here to give it, I found myself, almost guiltily, taking all of my parents' unwanted advice. I grabbed my running shoes from the storage space under the bed, and my iPod from the shelf above it. Bracing myself against the cold, I slid open the side door, and slammed it behind me. Hopping from foot to foot to try and keep warm, I quickly put my earbuds in and turned my iPod to random.

As the opening chords to Sax Rohmer #1, by the Mountain Goats started, I began to jog slowly down the beach. When my breath began to even out into regular clouds of mist I picked up the pace, treading lightly on the pebbly beach. I weaved between driftwood trees, allowed myself to sprint a little on the clear stretches of open beach. Somehow running seemed to clear a space in my mind. This small daily ritual was the only time I allowed myself to think of home, to think of my parents.

My mum, with her red hair, heavily accented with gray, the conversations we used to have in the car. She was the person I was most able to confide in, and the strongest, kindest person I had ever known. My dad, so similar to me in so many ways, yet the one person in the world who I was certain I would never understand. We would fight and fight as if we hated each other, but there was always an agreement that, at the end of the day, we would still love one another. The love my the two of them shared held me in awe, after twenty five years of marriage they would still hold hands and cuddle. Sometimes, when my dad looked at my mum I could see the look of awed disbelief on his face, even after all their years together he could still look at her like he had when they first met and fell in love.

As I ran I could relive how it felt to be a part of that love. It had been the foundation upon which my life was built. They were the source of every part of me that I was proud to have. This was how I remembered them. This hour a day was the only way I could keep them alive. This was why I ran, and this was why I couldn't stop, because if the reality of their deaths ever caught up with me I was certain that everything I was would crumble and collapse.

My heart began to race in response to my dark thought, and I put on another burst of speed, pushing the thoughts away. I had reached the end of the beach, and I realised that this particular spot was hidden from both the town and parking lot by a small outcropping of trees. Feeling impulsive and a little bit reckless, I slowed to a stop, and stripped down to my tank top and underwear, and then, before I could talk myself out of it, I bolted into the ocean. I gasped at the cold as a wave crashed against my hips, steeling myself I dove under the next one. For a blissful moment, I knew nothing except the oblivion of iciness, that feeling that's somewhere between cold and burning, between painful and thrilling. Then I surfaced, gasping for breath. I swam out in the swell until my legs began to feel rather numb.

The shivering started as soon as I stood up in the shallows. Trying to shake off as much water as possible, I skittered back up the beach to where I'd left my clothes. I used my hoodie as a makeshift towel, then dragged the rest of my clothes back on, layer by layer, jogging on the spot. My poor blue toes chafed inside their socks and sneakers, each step sent a small jolt of pain up through my ankles, but the swim had cleared my head. I started slowly back up the beach, forcing my circulation back into motion. The sun had risen just enough to cast warm light on the beach, I tried to focus on that, and the thought of a warm cup of tea when I got back to the van, instead of the spasm of shivering. With my head down, and my body focused entirely on getting warm, it wasn't until I actually reached the van that I realised I had company.

I looked up to find two guys leaning against my van with their arms crossed. This didn't look good. Like Seth and Embry they were both giants. Unlike Seth and Embry, they both wore matching glares. Feeling a wave of nervousness I slowed and walked the last few metres. On the road, I'd had very little contact with people outside of customer service and general pleasantries. I was out practice in human interaction, especially interaction with people who looked pissed off at me.

They remained silent as I approached, and my nervousness grew, but so did a small thread of anger. They were making eye contact with me, indeed they were glaring straight at me, but they refused to take kind of initiatory action, something I recognised as a basic intimidation tactic. I've always found it frustrating when people try to act as if they have power over me. Call it a dislike of authority.

Here I was, shivering and wet, flushed from my run and as yet unprepared for the day, and they were trying to intimidate me! Instead of acting contrite I threw a friendly smile their way.

"Good morning. It's a cold one isn't it." As I walked past them I noticed neither of them was very warmly dressed. I opened the van's side door, throwing the wet hoodie into a washing basket, and grabbing a thick woollen jumper. I could feel their eyes on me, but I ignored them a little longer, taking a moment to set my tea kettle to boil on the gas stove. When I turned to face them again, I felt warm and in control of myself. "Is there something I can help you with?" I raised a questioning eyebrow. The younger of the two's glare deepened, his lip twitched up in a scowl, but it was the older one who spoke.

"This van was here all night. Are you aware that this lot and the beach are day use only?" His voice was stern.

I smiled apologetically and tried to explain, "Yes, I was told last night, bu..." Before I could finish, the younger one stepped forward and spoke up.

"If you knew that then why did you camp here? Tourists like you always think the rules don't apply to you." His voice grew louder, and I wondered if it was even worth trying to speak up, but tried anyway.

"I am very sorry..." He cut me off again.

"I don't care how sorry you are. Those are people's homes, and this is reservation land. This is not a camping ground!" I gave up trying to listen to him, and instead focused on the older guy. He was watching the younger, as if assessing him somehow. By this stage the younger had gone into full rant mode, and it seemed there would be no stopping him. Finally the older one stepped forward and put a hand on his friend's shaking shoulder. He immediately fell silent.

"What my friend is trying to get at is that you're going to have to move along. We really can't support unauthorised camping here." He spoke calmly, but there was a firm edge to his voice.

I waited for a moment after he spoke, just to make sure neither was going to cut me off again, and then I smiled, trying to diffuse any tension. "Like I said, I am sorry, but I came into town late last night, and just as I got in the engine gave out. I turned down here so that I wouldn't be stuck in the middle of the road, and two local boys, helped me roll the van here and out of the way. As soon as I can find a mechanic or a towing company, I'll be out of your way. One of the boys from yesterday said he knew someone, so hopefully I'll be out of here soon. I really didn't do this on purpose. In the meantime, seeing as it is still quite early in the morning, could I offer either of you a cup of tea?"

A ghost of a smile crossed the older guys face, but the stern expression remained in place. "Who were the locals who helped you out?" He asked, not unkindly. The younger guy looked away still glaring, but I could see a hint of red flush around his ears. I smiled inwardly.

"Their names were Embry and Seth, one quiet the other loud. Seth was the one who said he'd get me in touch with a mechanic... I really should have asked him for a name and number, but they seemed in a hurry." I replied.

He smiled, properly this time, "It'll be Jake that Seth was talking about. Jacob Black that is. Seth is probably as good as his word, but if he doesn't show up, anyone in town will be able to point you in the direction of the Black place. In fact if I run in to Jake I'll let him know you're here. What was your name again?" He asked as if he'd already been told, but had forgotten. I noted the interesting mix of arrogance and composure in the way he carried himself.

Again I felt a defensive smile flash across my face, but I offered him my hand nonetheless, "I'm Harper Dewalden." One thing about La Push was that nobody seemed to lack a firm handshake, although I had to admit that this one was a little too firm.

"I'm Sam Uley, and my friend here is Paul. We'll say no to tea, it looks like you've got visitors," I glanced over my shoulder to see Seth, and another boy coming down the bitumen road towards us. I was seriously beginning to wonder if there was something in the water in La Push that turned everyone into giants. Seth's friend was the tallest of an incredibly tall bunch. Still I sighed with relief at the thought that I might be getting on the road again sooner than expected. Sam continued, "Paul may have overstated it, but he was right in saying that this isn't a camping ground. You're excused on the basis of expediting circumstances, but try to find somewhere else to park next time."

I raised an eyebrow but murmured my thanks anyway, as Sam and Paul headed back in towards the town. As they passed Seth and his friend, they stopped momentarily and exchanged words. Their voices were too low for me to hear what was said, but the nod Sam gave Seth's friend had a terse edge to it. Seth and Paul merely exchanged glares. It struck me as strange, but just at that moment, my kettle began to whistle and I turned back to the van. Even if no one else wanted tea, I was _not_ missing out on my morning caffeine fix, besides Seth seemed so intent on being polite and friendly I doubt he'd be able to say no to a beverage.

"Good morning Harper!" I grinned in earnest at Seth's enthusiastic greeting, remembering Embry's nickname for him. He really did resemble a somewhat overgrown puppy, all energy and joy.

"Hey Seth, howsit? You want a hot drink?" I asked as he leant relaxed against the side of the van. He grinned and nodded vigorously. Addressing his friend, I smiled, "How about you, tea?"

The boy smiled, and shot Seth a mock glare. In response Seth grinned sheepishly, "This is Jake; he's the mechanic I told you about yesterday."

Jake held out his hand in greeting, "Pleased to meet you. It's Harper right?" He asked, "Tea would be great."

I nodded and threw some tea leaves into the kettle to steep, taking a moment to take in this new stranger. In some ways his manner was similar to Sam's, there was an almost unconscious air of authority surrounding Jacob too. However, unlike Sam, Jake seemed more confident than arrogant, friendly instead of commanding, altogether more approachable. There was also a contentment he seemed to carry with him. I felt myself relax as I poured the tea into aluminium mugs, and passed them around. I wished I had seats to offer them, but they both seemed content to lean against the van sipping their tea.

"What did Sam and Paul want?" Seth asked after a short silence.

"They just wanted to let me know that the parking lot is for day use only... that Paul has a bit of a temper doesn't he?" I asked.

Seth's ever present grin turned slightly evil, "Yeah, he's more than a bit of a jerk. Still it's fun to stir him up. Did he dump a bucket of water on you or something?" He asked, noting my still somewhat dishevelled appearance.

"Nah, I just went for a bit of an early morning swim," I replied, "That's a very refreshing part of the Pacific you've got there." I said nodding towards the beach. "It's much warmer back home."

It was Jake's turn to grin, "We like to keep it nice and cool for tourists like yourself." With a gulp, he drained his mug, and passed it back to me. "So, any idea what's wrong with your car?" He asked. "It might just be a quick fix."

I shook my head and shrugged. "I gave it a once over last night. Checked the oil and water, nothing wrong there. The battery's fully charged, and the charge count from the alternator was 14.1 so that's not it. But I'm afraid that's as far as my car knowledge goes." I lead him to the back of the van and opened the bonnet. He knelt down to have a look, and immediately began checking lines and parts. Seth looked on, but I could tell he was fairly uninterested, so while Jacob tried to figure out what was wrong with the van I taught Seth how to play a iconic Australian card game called Shithead.

It wasn't too long before Jake declared that whatever was wrong with the van, he'd need to get it too his garage to fix it. "I'll just head home real quick and grab my car, then we can jury rig a tow to get your van back to my place." He frowned, "I hope I won't have to send away for parts, otherwise this might take a while."

I felt a momentary shock of fear at the thought of being stuck in one place for too long, but I pushed it away. "Thanks so much for helping me with this. Whatever it costs to fix, including your time and effort, I'm happy to pay it, but I really appreciate how generous you're being with your assistance."

He grinned, "Don't worry about it. Cars are a bit of a passion for me, and this old thing really is a bit of a classic." With that he turned and jogged off.

I stared after him for a moment, feeling uncomfortable. In spite of all the welcome and help I'd received from the people I'd met in La Push, I couldn't help feeling a little panicked. With my van laid up at Jacob's place, where was I supposed to sleep? It felt weird to ask Jake if I could use his garage as a temporary home. I began to hope fervently that La Push had some sort of motel or accommodation. Already I missed the freedom that my van afforded me.

My thoughts were churning so fast that for a moment, I forgot Seth was still there until he spoke up. "Don't worry Harper, Jake'll fix it." He patted my shoulder reassuringly, "Oh! By the way, my mom told me to invite you to dinner tonight. She also said that if you said no, I had to insist!"

I smiled hesitantly, and sighed. "Well I can't very well refuse an offer like that can I?" Again he grinned, "Now, would you mind shooing for a little bit? I've I'm going to be traipsing all around town, I need to freshen up, and change."


	4. Ties That Bind

**(AN: Hello folks! I know you're out there reading this. I just did a quick re-upload of the first three chapters to fix some of the obvious typos, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you all told me about any you come across. I'm feeling a tiny bit unloved, four chapters and no reviews! Meh I'll keep writing anyway, but I really would love to know what you guys think so far, any suggestions or theories. This chapter comes to you today due to my having an extremely long train ride to sit through, it's short that the others but has some rather biggish moments... Oooh ooh on another note is anyone out there in readerland a beta reader? Because I would dearly love your help, plus if you enjoy the story you'll get to read updates early. Cheer kindly all of you.)**

**Chapter 4 – Leah – Ties That Bind**

I woke late, my head throbbing from sleeping to long and restlessly. I stumbled from my room to the bathroom, barely opening my eyes. Feeling totally inhuman I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand, and stood blankly under the water until I felt rejuvenated enough to go through my morning ritual of lather, rinse, repeat. Stepping out of the shower I felt somewhat lightheaded, there was also an uneasiness that the shower had done nothing to dissipate.

As I made my way back to my room wrapped in a towel, I could hear mom down the halls rustling about in the kitchen. I dressed quickly paying little attention to the black shorts and tank top I put on, except to check that they were clean. I ran my hands through my hair, tucking it messily behind my ears, and finally decided to face the day... as soon as I had some coffee. I wasn't scheduled for patrol today; it was Sam's pack's turn to take their shifts. I also didn't have to go to my admin job at the Res Council office. So I had the whole day free.

Immediately, I felt a grin cross my face. I decided I was going to go for a walk along the beach, and if I happened to meet run into the girl with the green van, well that was just luck wasn't it... sort of? Still this little plan made my whole day seem brighter. I was practically grinning as I walked into the kitchen. Mom was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, surrounded by texts books, and printed out readings. She'd recently taken up a correspondence course in Social Work, and seemed to be really enjoying it. She murmured a vague greeting at me, as I headed towards the stove and the half full coffee pot.

"Who are you reading this time?" I asked her, as I poured myself a cup.

"Huh?" She looked up, at me and smiled, "Oh some Jungian, it's about archetypes from an "Indigenous Perspective." It's not bad, a bit generic though." She put the book down, and took off her reading glasses. "What are you up to today?"

I swallowed a large gulp of coffee, and pretended to think for a moment. "I think I might go for a walk, maybe take some lunch down to the beach, read, and relax. Generally be lazy."

"Well there's some tuna salad in the fridge, so help yourself. Keep an eye out for Seth down by the beach, he went out there early this morning with Jacob to try and fix that girl's car."

My jaw dropped, and I felt a momentary sense of terror mixed with disappointment. I realized I really didn't want this mystery girl to have left without having met her. I quickly tried to regain my composure and gulped down the rest of my coffee. Luckily mom's attention was already back on her books, and she barely noticed me as I raced out the door, tuna salad entirely forgotten.

I started out at a jog, but by the time I rounded the block on to Oceanfront Road I was sprinting. I slowed down a little as I turned into the parking lot, but not much. In spite of my breakneck speed, I soon realized the parking lot was empty. _Damnit! _I thought, _Please don't let her be gone. _

I continued running down toward the beach, wondering vaguely if I might be able to pick up her scent, and then feeling incredibly stupid at that stalkerish idea. Still I couldn't give up the feeling that I had to find her somehow, so instead of circling the parking lot, I took the path that led to the beach. I hoped that maybe Seth or Jacob would be there, and he could tell me where she had gone. At no point did it actually occur to me that the single mindedness, with which I focused on the girl, was anything out of the ordinary. It seemed so perfectly natural, that my mind refused to question this new impulse. Instead I scanned the beach hungrily for any sign of my pipsqueak brother, or my most venerable Alpha, but they were nowhere to be found. In fact the only person I could see was Paul.

He was leaning against a tall driftwood tree, throwing pebbles at the oncoming waves. Rachel, Paul's imprint, had gone back to college for a semester to do an accelerated, honours course. She'd be back before Christmas, but her absence had made Paul even more intolerable than usual. I weighed up the possibility of him having seen where my pack mates had gone, and if the girl was with them, against the chore of having to talk to him, and reluctantly decided I'd have to put up with the sound of his voice, at least for a little while. _I'm so frickin glad I don't have to share his thoughts anymore. _I thought.

"Hey! Paul." I had to shout over the wind, but even though he was close to half a mile down the beach he heard me, and shot a glare in my direction, and tried to ignore my approach. Grumbling, I jogged over to him.

It wasn't until I was standing right next to him that he acknowledged my presence. "What do you want Leah? I'm really not in the mood."

"Aren't you meant to be on patrol?" I asked.

He shot me a particularly vicious glare, "_Sam_ didn't feel like having company today, didn't want me bringing down his good mood, you know seeing as Emily's birthday is coming up and all."

I could tell he was trying to get rid of me by talking about Sam, but for some reason Sam's name didn't carry the same sting it usually did. I just didn't care. "Oh I get it. You were being sulky so Sam sent you to time out." I smirked.

Paul spat on the ground and started to walk away, but I called after him. "Okay, okay sorry." I tried my hardest to sound contrite, but contrition really isn't my forte, Paul kept walking. "Please, just wait one second, and I'll leave you alone." I begged, and he turned back towards me with a heavy sigh.

"What?"

"Have you seen Jake, or Seth? Or a girl with a green van?" I asked in a rush.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "You mean the stupid tourist who was trespassing?" I couldn't help feeling a little offended at his tone. "Seth and Jake towed her and her van back to Jake's house about half an hour ago."

A sigh of relief escaped me. If Jake had had to tow the van, it probably wouldn't be fixed before the day was out, which meant that the girl would have to stay in La Push for at least one more night. It wasn't too late!

I grinned at Paul, "Thanks Paulie, enjoy your time out ok?" Before he could answer I took of back up the beach, let my legs stretch out as I ran. Now all I had to do was figure out an excuse to go over to Jake's place.

...

When I burst through the door back home, all of five minutes later, Mom was clearing her books from the table.

"Oh! Leah, great your back. Seth just called." She clearly had something on her mind, "I need you to go to the grocery store and pick up a few things for dinner."

I groaned, "I was going to go over to Jake's, I... I thought they might like some of your tuna salad." It was a lame excuse, and I knew it. But I was beginning to worry that circumstance would never let me meet the girl.

Mom looked at me strangely, "Are you feeling ok Leah? I could have sworn I just heard you say you wanted to spend time with your kid brother and Jacob Black."

I laughed nervously, trying frantically to find an excuse, and eventually settled on the truth, "I guess I'm curious about this girl everyone's talking about." I said trying to imply that everyone else was even more preoccupied with her than I was.

Mom smiled, knowingly, "Don't worry, I don't think Seth is about to fall head over heels just yet." I breathed a sigh of relief at her misinterpretation. "But, just in case I told Seth to invite her over for dinner, Jacob's coming too so we need more _groceries!_ So please, like I asked, can you help me get dinner ready? I promise you'll have all the time in the world to satisfy your curiosity tonight."

She handed me a shopping list and shooed me out the door. My head was still spinning with the news as I wandered dazedly towards La Push's small grocery store/post office. Mechanically I selected items from the shelves, filling the small grocery basket. What would she want to eat, what would her voice sound like, what was her name? That last question struck me as important, especially since a small part of my mind was beginning to get annoyed at my own preoccupation with someone I didn't even know.

I felt torn between excitement, nervousness and frustration. This tangle of emotions built inside of me until I felt ready to explode. If only I could understand we're this craziness was coming from maybe I'd be able to focus, and function like a normal human being.

As I paid for the groceries, I realised my hands we're shaking. _Just great, this is perfect! I'm on the verge of shifting because of some stupid hormonal mood swing! _The only problem with that theory was that my hormones were all fucked up due to werewolfism, something no one else in the pack had to deal with. Maybe this was some sort of post-menopausal, pre-midlife crisis. I shook my head to try and clear it, but I was still shaking uncontrollably.

I was about halfway home, but I was beginning to think I wouldn't get there without shifting. Rather than risking an embarrassing scene, and ruined groceries, I stashed the bags in a rhododendron bush and bolted for the edge of the woods. I was only just able to remove my out clothes before my wolf form ripped out from under my skin.

It was an instant relief. Now that the packs were separated I was less likely to accidently intrude on someone else's mind whenever an uncontrolled phase happened. Right now, I had my wolf form, and my headspace all to myself. Without the aggravating, and sometimes painful, thoughts of so many boys, being a wolf could actually be remarkably soothing. I ran. Unlike earlier that day, when I'd been running frantically all over the place, I now ran for the sheer joy of it. I was the fastest thing on four legs, unbeatable and unstoppable.

As the joy and freedom of sprinting through the woods filled my mind, most of my human neuroses, and over-thinking fell away and instinct took over. Right now, instinct was telling me to chill the fuck out. Yes, the girl was important, and I didn't know why, but that would all fall into place. I just needed to relax, and take the situation as it presented itself. Worrying was useless. There was no point in working myself up into a state because I didn't understand why I was being drawn towards this girl. I would find my answers tonight, and in the mean time I could relax and enjoy the anticipation.

Half remembered images and sensations flew through my mind. A golden halo of hair, a windy beach at night, the feeling of a cool soft hand in my fur. Rather than worrying at them like some house dog with a bone, I let them slide through my mind, moving to the pattern of my stride. After a few miles, I spun around on my back feet and head back toward the edge of the woods and my hastily discarded clothes. Feeling refreshed and clear-headed at last, I hurried back to the bush were I'd hidden the grocery bags, and headed towards home, buoyed on feelings of acceptance and anticipation.

...

As I approached the front door I heard voices inside. One in particular stood out, higher than a boy's voice, but lower than the average girl's with a twang that brought to mind a strange mixture of tropical beaches, and "outback explorers." My mouth stretched into a grin, and I allowed myself one deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. As I walked towards the kitchen a strange sort of lightness came over me, as if I were floating just a few inches above the ground, being pulled forward on marionette strings. I smiled at my family and at Jake as I entered the room, but my eyes sought out the blonde ringlets I'd only ever seen in my mind's eye.

Vaguely I heard Seth's voice in the background, "Leah this is Harper. Harper, Leah." At the sound of her name she turned, and looked up at me.

As those green brown eyes met mine, a thousand and one things came crashing down around me. Every artifice and affectation I'd ever made, every lie I'd ever told myself, every facade and falsity fell away. For a moment it was as if the world had turned upside down, all the strings that held me together was severed, and I wasn't sure if I was falling or floating. Then, with a force greater than anything I had ever imagine, all my memories, my secrets, the parts of myself I both loved and feared, fell into place. In that one moment I became aware of the person I really was. It wasn't that I realized I loved her. It was that I realized I always had.


	5. Waiting For DistanceBuying Some Time

**(AN: Hi friends! We're moving into a pretty hectic part of the story. I've got a map of where this is all going, but sometimes I get a little bogged down in the details. This chapter has parts from both girls POV. I hope that's alright with you all. Very soon now, the story is going to start moving forward rapidly, so hang in there. I want to say a thank you to Chris Taka, and ShadowClub for their reviews, I appreciate it. It's nice knowing I'm not all alone out here. As always reviews are welcomed and encouraged, as is advice, and typo catching. Enjoy the chapter. Much loves.)**

**Chapter 5 – Waiting for Distance and Buying Some Time**

**Harper**

Panic doesn't begin to describe what I was feeling. Piece by piece, Jacob was taking my van's engine apart. I was sitting on the cement floor of Jake's garage, my knees drawn up against my chest. Seth was sprawled against the wall nearby, the remnants of our shared lunch spread out in front of us. Both guys had huge appetites. I'd been surprised at just how much food they'd manage to put away. I'd been more than happy to supply the food, but later as the mess of parts that was my engine grew larger and larger, I began to feel seriously worried.

This wasn't going to be an easy fix. The afternoon was drawing to a close, and Jacob was still going over the engine with a fine tooth comb, noting what was worn out, and what was close to it. Meanwhile Seth had been keeping up and easy, mostly one-sided, conversation, occasionally asking a question, but mostly just talking. It was interesting to hear about life on the res. I was surprised to learn that he was only sixteen. I had thought he must be younger than he looked, but I could hardly credit that he was still in high school.

He talked about his family. "Mom's as tough as nails, but she's had to be I guess. Leah and I aren't exactly the easiest kids to have. What about your folks Harper? What do they think about you being over here by yourself?"

There it was, the question I'd manage to avoid for the past five months. It hit me like a blow to the stomach, and the urge to flee rose up in me, making my breath speed up. If my van hadn't been in pieces on the garage floor I would have made an excuse, jumped in, driven away, and never come back. Instead I had to sit there and try to figure out what to say. Lying might have been easy, but more than likely would only extend the conversation. I opted for the truth, in as short an answer I could give.

"They died." I said, keeping my gaze fixed on Jacob, and the car part he was examining. Even though he wasn't part of the conversation, I saw him flinch ever so slightly as I spoke. I sighed internally; this was the reaction I could expect for the rest of my life. A little shock, then pity and finally morbid curiosity.

But it didn't happen that way. Instead Jacob started talking about what he was working on. How he could have most of the engine put back together tomorrow. Most of it was pretty routine, and could be fixed here, but there was one particular part he'd have to look around for. "I can drive to Forks tomorrow and check at Dowling's. He might have what I need, but otherwise I'll have to look further afield."

I let go of a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding. "But Doctor, will she ever drive again?" Maybe it was overkill, but I put on my best soap opera voice. In spite of my terrible attempt at an American accent, Seth howled with laughter. Jacob grinned, and played along.

"If we can remove the tumour, she'll be fine. But I have to tell you, she doesn't love you anymore. We're running away together, BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" He clutched the side of the van dramatically and it was my turn to laugh. It was amazing, just this tiny admission had loosened some of the painful knot inside of me. As long as I didn't look at it too closely, or think about it too much, I could almost forget about the tidal wave of memories and emotions that had been chasing me for the past year. For a moment, I didn't even think about running away.

When I caught my breath, I grinned over at Seth. "So you've got a sister? Is she in high school too?"

Seth laughed again, "No Leah just turned twenty three. She works at the town Council, but I think she really wants to get out of La Push."

"Why doesn't she?" I asked.

Seth shrugged noncommittally, and for a moment avoided my eye contact, "I dunno, I guess she doesn't want to leave me and Mom here alone." I nodded, sensing that this was something he didn't want to talk about. I supposed that everyone had their own sore spots. He looked up at Jake, "Speaking of which, it's getting late. I should call Mom and let her know you're coming for dinner. Jake did you want to come too? Can I use your phone?"

"Yeah sure, why not? On both counts." He replied, throwing a small silver mobile at Seth. He caught it with surprising ease, and quickly dialled a number.

While Seth spoke to his mum, I set about clearing the remains of our lunch from the garage floor, as Jacob organised the mess that was my van, and put away his tools. I was half listening to Seth on the phone, trying not to pay attention.

"Oh and Mom, do you mind if Jake comes over too?" There was a pause, "Yeah he's been working on it all day, but it's not going anywhere for a while yet. Oh hey, do you think Harper could sleep in the spare room tonight? Jake's garage doesn't really make a great bedroom."

I looked over at him in shock. "Hey no, that's... I'll find a motel or something... I can't..."

Seth put his hand of the phone, "Don't be stupid. It's the off season; nothing's open, besides we have a spare bed." He put the phone back to his ear, "Great! I'll help her bring some stuff over now. See you soon."

I wasn't sure whether to feel furious or grateful. So I just stood there awkwardly. Seth laughed, Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Well, it makes sense. This place isn't exactly comfortable, I'd have offered my place, but it's pretty tiny, and I'm told that both Dad and I snore like freight trains."

Defeated I smiled, "Thanks."

...

Later, on the way to Seth's house, with my small overnight bag packed, I actually felt relief at escaping an awkward situation. Hopefully, tomorrow Jake would find the part he needed to fix the van and I'd be able to get on my way again. In the meantime I could enjoy the good company I'd found myself amongst.

As we approached the front door, Seth called out loudly, "Mom! We're here." He let the door slam shut behind us and led us towards a small kitchen. A woman with a short, no nonsense hair cut, smiled from the kitchen bench. Seth took charge of the introductions, "Mom, this is Harper. Harper, this is my mom Sue."

As she stepped forward to shake hands, I felt a moment of relief at meeting someone in LA Push who didn't tower over me. Although Sue wasn't small, she was about an inch or two shorter than my five foot eleven. Still, as I shook her hand, I got the strong sense that even if she didn't have the physical mass of her son, she was not someone to be trifled with.

"Thank you so much for having me in your home." I said sincerely. She examined me for a moment, before smiling warmly.

"That's perfectly alright. I imagine it's pretty nerve wracking being stuck here, and not knowing anyone."

I laughed lightly, "You could say that, but I have to say that Seth, and all his friends have just been amazing. I feel very welcomed, and well looked after."

She grinned at Seth, "He can be a good kid when he wants to. When he's not getting into all sorts of trouble, that is."

Seth groaned, "Mom!"

Sue threw her hands up in mock surrender, "I won't say a word. Why don't you show Harper to her room? I'm just waiting on Leah to come back with the groceries. Jake, instead of just standing there, why don't you get the jug of orange juice from the fridge and start pouring everyone a drink? When you're done with that you can set the table."

Jake gave a mock salute, and Seth led me down the hall to a small room with a camp bed. "It's not much, but I hope you'll be comfortable. Leah's room is next door, and the bathroom is at the end of the hall." 

I put my bag down on the end of the bed, "It's great Seth, thanks again." I tried to put as much sincerity into my voice as I could.

He smiled, and then wrung his hands awkwardly for a second. "Um, Harper? I'm sorry... About, you know, earlier." For a second he seemed to choke on something, "My dad... passed away... three years ago. I don't much like talking about it either." He smiled, brushing away the conversation, "We should go and see if Mom needs anything." He bounced out of the room, and I waited a moment, before following. It was strange to remember that there was more grief in the world than my own. I felt selfish, and a little guilty at the realisation, but I pushed it aside before it could overwhelm me.

There was a palpable warmth to the kitchen. Sue was standing by the stove frying pieces of chicken breast in a amazing smelling, spiced oil. Jake and Seth were sitting at the table drinking orange juice. I joined them, and the conversation turned to normal, everyday things. I was surprised at how comfortable I felt there, as if I'd been offered an all access visitors pass to family life in La Push. Sue was telling me about the course she was taking, when we heard the sound of the front door opening.

I suddenly felt a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if some lost tangle of emotion that I hadn't even was slowly being unravelled. I could literally feel the presence of Seth's sister, before she even entered the room. I felt strangely excited to meet her, even though I'd heard only a little bit about her from Seth.

I was so caught up in by this strange mood, that I didn't even realise Seth was introducing me to here, until I heard him say my name. I looked up in surprise, and looked straight into the eyes of one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen.

Like her brother she was very tall, about six foot five. Her long body was leanly muscular, and screamed health and vitality. Her short black hair, framed her high cheek bones, and dark brown eyes. She was stunning. I felt pulse of attraction towards her, so intense it was almost embarrassing. I could feel myself blushing and looked down.

A heard a choked sort of noise escape her throat, and the sound of shopping bags hitting the floor. I looked up in surprise to see her sprint from the room. I blushed even harder, feeling ridiculous and stupid. Something must have shown on my face. She must have caught a hint of the attraction I'd felt. How could I have been so stupid and embarrassing? I stared down at the table trying desperately to gather my thoughts, as Jake stood up and quickly followed her from the room.

...

**Leah**

A blush spread around her neck, and up into her face. I was still caught in those eyes, that face. Everything about her held me enraptured. She looked down, and I felt the loss of her eye contact, almost like a physical pain. I gasped brokenly, she had seen! She'd seen the look in my eyes. My emotions must be written clear as day across my face. She must be freaking out. Hell, I was freaking out, and I at least knew what was going on. How was I supposed to explain to this beautiful stranger, that she was my predestined soul mate, the love of my life? She'd run a mile.

I felt, the groceries slip through my fingers, and almost before I realized it, I was bolting through the door into the cool night air. I stopped my headlong sprint at the large tree in our front yard. Leaning my back against it, trying to catch my breath, I sank to the ground. Inside, I could hear Jake stand up and head to the door coming after me. I focused on the sound of her shaky breathing, trying to let it sooth me. But all I could think about was the impossibility of the situation. There wasn't enough time to explain to her what had happened, even if I knew how to do it.

I couldn't bear the thought of her leaving, but I didn't have a clue how to make her stay. I was staring blankly ahead, as Jake cautiously approached me. Quietly he sat down beside me, and tried to catch my eye. I just stared straight ahead breathing in time with her. _Harper. _

"Ok... Leah, what just happened in there." His tone was low, I could tell he was trying to be soothing but I couldn't feel anything except panic. "Leah, you're freaking me out. C'mon, talk to me." He reached out and shook my shoulder. Finally I snapped out of it long enough to answer.

"Jake... I think... no I _know_, I just imprinted." His hand dropped to his side.

"What? How?"

"Her! I just... Oh my God Jake, _everything_ is different now. What am I supposed to do?"

For a moment, he was silent. Processing, what I'd said, and what it meant. "Wow Leah, it's pretty unexpected. I guess it kind of throws Sam's theory of imprinting for reproduction right out the window." He exhaled heavily, and then smiled broadly, "Congratulations. Now you know. It's going to be ok, Leah, I'm sure people will get used to idea, even if it is a little unorthodox."

I realised what he was saying, and for a moment, let a sense of well being wash over me, basking in the love I felt for her. But it all came up short, as my thoughts crash against my major problem. "Jake, that's not it! What about her? How can I tell her, she's leaving! She doesn't know anything about us, about the wolves, and about imprinting. Hell, I haven't even said a word to her. She probably thinks I'm crazy. She probably doesn't even like girls!"

He frowned, mulling over the problem. "Well, as far as her not knowing you, the only way you can solve that is to go in there and talk to her. You don't have to tell her she's your imprint straight away, it's probably better to ease that in a little later on in your relationship." He chuckled, "As for her not liking girls, well my guess is she probably does, I don't think you really can imprint on someone who isn't compatible with you. Like I said Leah, it'll be ok. Plus, her van is pretty broken down; I won't be able to fix it until tomorrow at least."

An idea struck me, "Stall her!" I begged, "Break something else, say the problem is bigger than you thought, and say you have to get a part from Seattle or something. _Don't let her leave!"_

Jake looked at me seriously for a moment. "You want me to lie to her?" He asked.

"No! Well, not really." I looked back at him frantically, "Just buy me some time, and give me the chance to get to know her properly, before I spring all of this supernatural, soul mate, shit on her. Please."

He sighed, "Alright, I doubt Dowling's has the part I need to fix the van anyway. I can get you a couple of days, maybe a week or two at the most. But tell her, and soon, it's not fair on her, not knowing." I nodded, and thanked him profusely. He brushed me away, "Just go in there, now, and talk to her." He smiled again. "I'm sure she'll love you Leah."

I let my fear show on my face for a moment, "I hope so." I said.

Then I walked slowly back inside to meet my destiny.


	6. Take a Breath and Hold On Tight

**(AN: I had a bit of trouble with this chapter. It was hard to put into words, but I think it makes it possible for things to move on from here without getting too bogged down in the day to day. As always thanks so much to those who review (Chris and Shadow,) and remember reviews are very appreciated. Take care and be well. Much Love.) **

**Chapter 6 – Take a Breath and Hold on Tight**

**Harper **

An awkward silence settled over the kitchen. I stared at the table trying to gather my thoughts. I felt hot embarrassment rush through me. I couldn't believe I'd made such a fool of myself. Practically drooling over the girl whose house you were a guest in was seriously not proper etiquette. Still, most girls didn't run away at the sight of me, even if I was usually a tad more subtle. Another wave of shame, then finally Seth spoke up.

"I haven't got a clue what's gotten into her." I looked up in time to catch the furtive glance that passed between him and Sue. Maybe there was something more going on here than my embarrassing lack of discretion. "Sorry Harper, I'm sure it's nothing. Leah can be a bit strange sometimes."

Sue laughed a little nervously and stood to collect the groceries from where they had fallen in the hall. "Jacob will figure out what's bothering her," I cringed at the thought of that, "They'll be back." She smiled warmly at me, and began to put the finishing touches on dinner.

"Please let me help with that," I offered. Sue protested, but eventually allowed me to help with making a salad.

I was just adding the last tomatoes when I heard the sound of the door. I focused on the salad bowl, refusing to look up. Still, I was aware of her every footstep. I heard her hesitate at the kitchen door.

"Um, Harper? I'm really sorry... about running out like that." Her voice was pitched low, a rich alto. I couldn't help turning to face her. Again, I felt the same rush of attraction, but I fought to school my features and keep my face clear. She _smiled_ at me, and I felt relief flood through me. Maybe, just maybe I was overreacting, "I was in a really strange mood today... I guess it all hit me at once." She looked embarrassed, and I felt an almost overwhelming urge to reassure her. It was my fault, I was the crazy one.

"Please, please don't worry about it. It's... it's fine." I had to look away for a moment. It was too intense to meet her gaze. I needed to get myself under control, this was getting ridiculous. I plastered on the lightest, friendliest smile I could manage and looked up again, "Fresh start? I offered.

The smile that broke over her face almost overwhelmed me. I could feel myself grinning like a fool, and had to look away. I grabbed the half-forgotten bowl of salad, and brought it to the table. Now that I was no longer looking at her, the rest of the room came into focus. I realised that Jake re-emerged, and was seated next to Seth at the table. Sue was already serving chicken breast and potato cakes.

I sat down quickly, still feeling somewhat off balance. Without realising it, I'd sat down directly across from Leah, and as dinner was served and eaten, I was torn between stealing glances at her and keeping my eyes firmly on the plate in front of me. Conversation was sparse. Jake seemed focused entirely on his food. Seth kept stealing glances between Jake, Leah and occasionally me, as if he was trying to figure something out. Leah seemed as nervous as I did. A couple of times I thought she might speak, but each time she seemed to think better of it, and looked away.

Sue did most of the talking, swinging the conversation easily from a journal she's been reading, to the latest events on the res. With her deftly filling up the silences, the dinner passed quite pleasantly, if a little awkwardly. After the plates had been cleared and washed, Jake excused himself to go home. Somehow, without him there, the room seemed even more crowded.

Luckily, everyone seemed keen on an early night. After Sue made sure that I had everything I needed, for a third time, I was able to retire to the little bedroom without too much fuss. Once I'd closed the door behind me, I let all of the thoughts and emotions I'd been repressing break free, and sank down onto the bed.

I remember the first time I'd fallen for a girl. The astonishment I'd felt at realising, that this was what my school friends felt when they looked at boys. I had always loved guys, my best friends had always been boys, but I'd always felt sort of lost when it came to dating and... everything that came with it. Then I'd met Chloe, and realised what it was to be attracted to someone. Sure, I'd gone through my angst fuelled days of hating myself, and the world, and... my parents, but all of that had just been out of fear.

When I'd finally gotten around to being honest about myself, most things became easier. The relationship with Chloe had passed. Although, it had taught me the incredibly difficult lessons of dyke-drama and how to avoid it at all cost, and the difference between attraction and love. The most difficult thing had been coming out. Mum and dad had been stunned at first, unsure of how to incorporate the words lesbian and daughter.

In spite of everything there was never a moment in my life in which I had ever doubted that they would always love me. It was unspoken, but ever-present, the ties of love that had held our family together. Even if things were difficult, we had always found a way to work through anything.

It was then that the guilt sank in. This attraction for Leah took up too much space in my mind. While I thought about her, there was no room for me to maintain the walls that kept my memories of my parents at bay. There was no room for me to keep mourning them.

For a moment the brutal honesty of it all hit me. The fear, the guilt. This was what I'd been running from for the past year. I'd thought that the usual rituals of grieving would get me through. I did the funeral. I settled their estate, rented the house so that I would have a small source of income. But it wasn't enough, I couldn't let go of them, and I couldn't let myself mourn them. So I'd run away, hoping to forget them. At moments like this with the stark reality of their deaths facing off against my own overwhelming cowardice, any other thoughts, anything that might move my life beyond this, seemed like a betrayal. Yet not moving on seemed like letting them down.

My mind kept ricocheting back and forth. The room suddenly felt cramped and tiny. I had to get out, even just for a moment. Wrenching open my bag I reached down into the depths, pulling out a hand knitted sweater. It was thick and full of uneven parts. My mum was never very good at knitting, but she'd started this sweater early one summer in hopes of having it done for winter. She finished it two years later. Even though it was crooked and bulky, I'd always considered it my most treasured article of "comfy clothing," one of those sweaters that is witness to your messiest washing days, and moodiest, sulky days.

Now it had become even more precious. I only wore it on the worst nights, when sleep eluded me entirely, and my own unstable emotions loomed like nightmare beasts. Tonight was shaping up to be just such a night. I needed every comfort I could find... and fresh air. Listening to the quiet house, hoping I wouldn't run into anyone, I darted from the small room and out the front door.

The chill of the night air momentarily robbed me of my senses and I huddled closer into my sweater. I only got as far as the large tree in the front yard before it hit me. At times like this it was never any specific emotion or thought, just a god awful, hollow, kind of ripping feeling, which started in my stomach and moved up into my throat. It drove me to the ground. I huddled with my back against the tree, and drew my knees up to my chin, clutching my arms tightly around them.

I tried to focus just on breathing, but I could feel _it_ rising up over me. There was nothing left to do accept try and try to hold myself together, and pray that this too would pass, that I might survive it again this time. It always started with the physical pain, first in my stomach, and then spreading outwards to my skin. Next came the flashes of breaking glass, tearing metal, and then a roaring noise that seemed to blank out all other sound.

"Help me." I gasped under my breath. I buried my face even deeper into my knees.

"A are you ok?" Her voice cut through the roaring in my ears, and I felt a desperate need shoot through me. My arm shot out, clutching for something, anything, to hold me together. The next thing I knew I was pulled in a rough embrace. Warm arms came up and encircled me, "Shh, Harper. Shh dear one. It's alright."

I couldn't speak, it was as if all my bones had melted, I had no power over my body. I just sank lifeless into her arms, like someone half-drowned washed up on a strange shore. I felt as if a dam was breaking inside of me. First it was just a few cracks, small things escaping my tight control, but the cracks widened as the pressure build up, and suddenly the walls inside of me crumbled. I was gasping for breath, and shaking. I realised that there were tears streaming down my face.

As I shook and wept, in fear and trembling, the warmth of her embrace seemed to seep into the empty places inside of me. The wrecked, raw shreds of my insides seemed to float, suspended in a warm glow. Wrapped in her arms, and the last physical remnants of my mother's love, I allowed myself to surrender entirely to exhaustion, and insensibility.

...

**Leah**

The walls of my room seemed unbearably thin, and at the same time far too thick. All during dinner, Jacob kept shooting looks at me, trying to get me to talk to her. Harper. Seth kept asking me questions with eyes, wondering what the hell his crazy-ass sister was doing this time. Mom tried admirably to cover the awkwardness with conversation, at the same time shooting worried glances my way. Still, the whole undercurrent of curiosity and reproach had very little impact on my total awareness of her. I'd managed to wave of Seth's questions, with a vague promise to tell him tomorrow.

Now, with everybody in their beds, I couldn't help but focus intently on the sound of her in the next room. I lay there, listening to her breathing, knowing that she was awake, thinking unknowable thoughts just feet from me. I frowned, as I heard what sounded like a small gasp of pain. There was a rustling noise, and then the sound of her running quietly out of the house.

Wondering if I should follow her, I allowed my hearing to reach out towards her. Alarm rushed through when I heard the sound of her body hitting the ground, her labored breathing coming in painful gasps. Before I could think I was out of bed, and in yard. She was curled into a tight ball, with her back against the tree. Her arms were clamped tightly around her knees. I took an involuntary step towards her, and then stopped myself, wondering if she needed privacy. Unsure what to do, I stood there, feeling helpless, until I heard a choked whisper escape into the night air.

"Help me." In a moment I was kneeling at her side, still uncertain, but unable to do nothing.

"A are you ok?" The inane, platitude slipped from my lips before I could censor it, but she seemed to hear me anyway. Her hand reached forward blindly, like someone drowning reaching for a lifeline, and I couldn't hold back anymore. I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly trying to keep away whatever demons were tormenting her. I knew nothing about her, who she was or why she was here, in this state, but I couldn't bear for her to face this alone. Not now.

"Shh Harper. Shh dear one. It's alright." She went limp in my arms, not so much a relaxation, more a complete loss of all muscle power. Her whole body began to shake with huge gasping sobs. I could feel her tears wet against my shoulder, and it was all I could do to just hold her, and make small soothing noises.

I don't know how long we sat there, but eventually she fell silent. For a while I thought she was asleep, but when I looked down her eyes were open, staring blankly. I realized she was trembling. I might not feel the cold, but she certainly could. So, careful not to jostle her, I stood. Her arms came up around my neck, and held on tightly. She closed her eyes and nestled her head against my shoulder. I was frightened at how vulnerable she seemed in my arms. The impression I'd gotten of her was of someone who demanded strength and capability from herself. She probably hated being at someone's mercy like this.

So I stayed silent, wanting to offer all the comfort I could, but not seeking to intrude more than I already had. I carried her back into the house, back to the small bedroom next to mine, and laid her gently on the bed. As I pulled the covers over her, she curled into a loose ball, her hands by her face.

"I can't let them be dead," From the way her voice trailed away tiredly, I knew she wasn't talking to me. I turned, intending to leave her to her sleep, but before I could go she reached up and grabbed my hand. Her eyes were wide open, she was looking at me in terror, "Please, please don't leave." She begged.

I sank down to the floor next to the bed. She relaxed, and closed her eyes again, but her still held mine in a fierce grip. I leant my head against the wall, where I could keep her in my sight. Her hand stayed in mine, and I relaxed listening to the sound of her breathing grow slow and even as she fell into a gentle sleep.


	7. What I've Left Behind Me

**(AN: Hi friends, sorry I've been away and slack with updates. I'm trying to finish off my last assignments for the semester. Soon bunnies, soon I will be done and it shall be glorious I will write all day, and be happy! I may be in and out over the next few weeks though. I'm going to try and get a buffer of chapters set up, and I'm in the process of finding a good beta. Thanks for all the comments and reviews I've received, I appreciate each and every thing all of you say. As always keep them coming, suggestions, criticisms, anything. Much Much love to you all.)**

**Chapter 7 – What I've Left Behind Me**

**Harper**

I rose towards waking with a song in my head, and couldn't help wondering if I'd been humming in my sleep. Warm and shapeless dreams began to slowly unwind from around my head, and I let awareness of my body wash over me. My sense of direction kicked in hard, along with the awareness of my arm hanging over the edge of the bed, and the sensation warm hands holding mine. My eyes sprung open, as my consciousness slammed into place, and I realised I wasn't in my van, I wasn't in my bed. I lay there waiting for last night to catch up with me and adjust my memories, until everything made sense.

I was still wearing my mother's jumper; the thick wool was bunched up under my rib cage. My eyes followed the length of my arm to edge of the bed, wear it was draped over someone's shoulder. In a flash it all came back, not being able to sleep, the panic, and Leah. Her just being there. I could feel a flush prickling over my skin. The horrible revelation of someone seeing me at my most vulnerable, with my crazy on full display, flooded me. I relived the feeling of her arms wrapping around me, warm and safe, and found I couldn't regret it.

This was the first morning in a long time that I hadn't woken up with a sense of dread. For a moment I just lay there and let myself bask in rare contentment. I tried to hold onto that sense of quiet for as long as possible, but all good things must come to an end. As my mind began to function again, the day loomed before me. I was used to being on my own, not needing to consult or deal with anyone else. Now I was staying in someone else's house, while another person fixed my van, and a beautiful, ridiculously-attractive girl had spent the night with me, guarding me from my own awful thoughts. In the space of two days, I'd racked up so many favours and obligations that I couldn't even begin to imagine how I was going to repay them.

Leah shifted in her sleep. Her grip on my arm tightened, and I was shocked at the strength with which she pulled me closer to the edge of the bed. At first, I thought she'd woken up. Instead she made a strange sort-of puppyish whine, and I had to struggle to keep from laughing. I was surprised at myself. Usually the intimacy of this situation would have frightened and frustrated me; but this strange girl, who I'd barely had a single conversation with, had seen me at my most vulnerable. She'd pulled me out of my own worst nightmare, and she'd stuck around to face the aftermath. Of all of the debts I'd incurred since coming to La Push, this was the greatest, and the one I'd have the most trouble ever repaying. Nonetheless, having her in my presence washed away my fears and stupid anxieties.

At the same time, I couldn't help feeling a little guilty about that. What right did I have to... _Urgh!_ I was sick of this constant second guessing myself. I finally had to admit to myself how damn _tired _I was, tired of running, and hiding, and eating myself alive from the inside out. For the first time since they died I allowed myself to think about what my parents would say to me now. My dad would give me a frustrated look, and tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Then he'd hug me, and struggle to find a way to tell me it was alright. He wasn't very good with words, but he'd find a way. Mum, would know exactly what to say. She'd make tea, or open a bottle of wine, and we'd talk about frameworks and emotions, and make a plan about how to move on from here. I couldn't keep feeling guilty; I couldn't keep tearing myself up. I had to at least _start _trying to figure myself out. It was as if some intangible protective layer had settled over the emptiness inside of me. I was going to figure this out, I had too.

I looked down at Leah, and felt warmth wash over me again. Maybe I should start with her. I had a lot of explaining to do anyway, and maybe it was time to start talking openly and honestly about things. Strange as it was I felt like I'd be able to trust her. Her head moved against the side of the bed, and again that strange puppy noise rose from her lips. This time I couldn't help laughing, I tried to cover it with my free hand, but Leah frowned in her sleep and rolled away from the noise. Unfortunately she was still had a tight grip on my hand, and that shocking strength of her's ripped me straight out of bed.

I landed in a tangle of limbs and blankets. The air rushed out of my lungs, and I heard a gasp of shock from somewhere underneath me. Before I had a chance to orient myself, I was half lifted, and half shrugged off. I sat up, and tried to struggle my way out from the mess of blankets, caught between laughter and frustration, and unable to see beyond a sheet that had somehow wrapped itself around my face. Suddenly, the blankets were pulled away, and there was Leah, looking stunning... and confused with her arms full of linen.

"Are you ok?" An expression of concern flashed across her face, and I couldn't help it anymore. The situation was just too ridiculous. I burst out laughing. She grinned somewhat sheepishly, "I'll take that as a yes, shall I?"

I could see that she was sincerely waiting for an answer, so I nodded, "No harm done." I bit my lip, "Sorry for waking you I guess."

She threw the blankets carelessly back onto the bed, and stretched, "Had to wake up sometime." She paused and looked away, "I, um, about last night. I probably shouldn't have stayed, but... I just, uh, felt asleep I guess..." She ran out of words, and stared awkwardly at the ground.

A strange urgency ran through me, like a chill. I had to start now. I couldn't let this become an unspoken wedge of awkwardness between us. I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"I had a panic attack." I said, trying to catch her eyes, "A pretty bad one, and usually they pass, but..." I paused trying to figure out how to express this without sounding insane. "I'm a bit... messed up I guess, but I'm trying to figure it out, but sometimes I just... You totally saved me last night." I could feel a blush creeping over my face, and it was my turn to look away. "It was... nice, not to be alone. I'm not going to dump my problems on you or anything, but I just want you... I really appreciated you being there." I finished lamely.

I felt like punching myself. I felt like a naff little teenager. I was burning up with embarrassment.

She squeezed my hand, and sat down on the floor across from me. "I'm glad." I could hear a smile in her voice, and began to feel calm again, "I'm glad... that you're okay. As for your problems, well you're welcome to keep them, but, if it's not too forward, I'd be happy to talk. You know sometime, whenever."

I looked up at her, one hand over my mouth, wiping away a smile that was probably a little too wide to be appropriate. "I'm sorry. I'm a total dork, with no social skills, but thank you."

She grinned and, maintaining her grip on my hand, stood, pulling me up with her. "You're welcome. Right now, I think the best course of action for both of us, is to a take a few moments for 'personal time,' and then reconvene over breakfast. What do you say?"

"Sounds like a plan." I said grinning. Her answering smile, gave me a momentary thrill of butterflies, but I kept my expression steady.

"Great, you can have the first shower if you like. Do you know where the bathroom is?" I nodded, "Good. Mom and Seth are out, so don't worry about holding anyone up. Take as long as you like." For a second I wonder how she could know that, having just woken up, but I brushed it off.

Leah went briskly through the usual hostessly duties, offering me towels and toiletries; until she was satisfied I wouldn't need anything. I closed the bathroom door behind me, and leant against it. My heart was racing, and my skin felt sharp and hot. It was strange how similar this to an attack; only instead of feeling as if everything was rushing down towards me, everything seemed to be pushing me forward, lifting me up. I could still feel all of the blocks and build ups in my mind, the memories that were still too raw and painful, but I was beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to live with that.

...

**Leah**

I was floundering from my bedroom to the kitchen, and then back again, completely at a loss for what to do. Should I make some sort of effort towards breakfast? Or should I figure out what I was going to wear? No that was surely too stupid to be sensible. I thoughts kept flying back to the night before, the weight of her in my arms, the hopelessness in her eyes. I shook my head trying to clear those thoughts, Harper seemed so different this morning, in the daylight. She seemed positive, if a little flustered.

I groaned, as my mind slid back to the abrupt awakening this morning. Yep, great work Leah, drag the girl you're crazy in love with to the bedroom floor. _I wish_, I caught myself thinking, and then felt thoroughly ashamed of myself. I had to admit though; she'd looked adorable, and beautiful, this morning, with bed hair and sleepy eyes.

_Breakfast!_ I forced myself to think about more practical things, and made a pot of coffee. Not knowing what Harper would want to eat, I ransacked the pantry and fridge, setting out bread, spreads, cereal, milk, muffins (leftover from the last batch Emily had made,) and figured I'd offer her a smorgasbord. I heard the shower start, and figuring I had ten minutes or so, I put bread in the toaster, poured two cups of coffee, and considered frying some eggs. I felt like a bed and breakfast owner on crack, and decided I should a take a moment to gather myself. It wasn't until then that I realised there was a note on the kitchen table.

_Dear Leah, _

_I'm heading over to Forks today to have lunch with Charlie. Jacob came round this morning, and took Seth with him to try and find a part for Harper's van. He said to tell her he'll probably be out most of the day. I hope you're alright... Your bedroom door was open and you weren't there. Are you ok honey? Let me know if you need to talk, especially if this has anything to do with that furry nuisance. I hope you don't mind, but could you keep Harper company today? Maybe show her around town or go for a hike?_

_Anyway, take care and have a nice Sunday._

_Love, Mom. _

I smiled at Mom's euphemism for the fact that Seth and I turned into giant furry monster's when the occasion called for it, but I couldn't help feeling a rush of fear at the conversation I was going to have to have with her. I hadn't ever expected to come out to my mom. Sam had been the first person I'd ever even felt attracted to. After he met Emily, I'd been so angry for so long that I'd barely had room in my life to think about attraction or love. After I started shifting, I'd just assumed it wasn't ever going to be a part of my life, ever again.

Everything had changed now. The way I thought about who I was, about my live up until yesterday. I realized there were a lot of difficult conversations headed my way. For a moment, I felt incredibly frightened at the immensity of it all. But before it could overwhelm me, I heard the sound of the bathroom door opening, and with a wave of steam, Harper stepped into the hall. I couldn't help grinning. She'd changed into a pair of thick, loose fitting green pants, and a black long sleeved top. Her wet hair curled loosely around her shoulders, and she was flushed with the warmth of the bathroom.

"There's coffee if you want it." I said, feeling strangely comforted by her warm appearance. "And breakfast, I didn't know what you'd want. So just help yourself to whatever's appetising. I can make eggs or pancakes, if you'd prefer."

She grinned at me, looking mildly amused, and I realized my whole hostess routine was getting a bit over the top. I shrugged helplessly, and she laughed. "Thanks Leah. Coffee is perfect for now. You shouldn't fuss about me. You've all done so much already. Relax, shower, do whatever you need to do."

The sound of her voice saying my name did strange things to my stomach. I ran a hand through my hair, and glanced towards my room, "I guess I should get ready for the day and all. Promise you'll let me know if you need anything?"

"I promise," She said, brushing a hand over my shoulder as she walked past me into the kitchen, "Now stop worrying." She grabbed one of the cups of coffee and sat down at the table, perusing the various breakfast goods arrayed before her.

I shook my head, and ducked into my bedroom to grab a change of clothes. In spite of myself I spent a few minutes trying to find an outfit that was appropriately nonchalant. I gave up in disgust and settle on a blue cotton shirt, and dark jeans, before racing to the shower. I hurried through my morning rituals, in a rush to be back in her presence, talking to her.

In the shower, I imagined things I could say to her. I played out conversations in my head, each one ending in her smiling at me, putting her arm in mine, kissing me. The water felt too warm against my skin, so I turned the hot tap closed, and stood under the cool stream. I had to remind myself to take this slowly. It was the strangest combination of fear, total joy, almost manic excitement, and just general confusion. The next few days, were the first and most important days of my new life.

All the other difficult conversations I was going to have to have, seemed tiny in comparison to the most important one. I had no idea how I was supposed to talk to her about... everything. But as I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around myself, I realized where I should start. With a new confidence, I dried, dressed, and opened the door.

Relationships must always be give and take. Well, I'd seen some of her vulnerabilities; maybe she could handle some of mine. She looked up at me as I walked into the room, a small smile on her face. Instantly I noticed a strange pain in her eyes, but her smile was fixed on her face.

"You're mum, is really lovely." She said, gesturing to the note on the table. I heard a catch in her voice on the word _mum._

Pretending not to notice I grabbed my own cup of coffee, and sat down across from her. "She's amazing, the strongest person I know." I smile, with all the warmth I could manage, "I mean, she has to deal with Seth and me, and that isn't easy."

Harper's smile grew more natural, and she reached out for a muffin from the centre of the table. Tearing it apart and eating slowly. "You seem to have a really, strong relationship with her."

I let a small amount of the worry I was feeling show on my face, and decided to be honest. "Yeah, we do. Although, I'm worried, about... Urgh." I took a sip of my coffee, and looked over at her. I could barely believe I was going to say this, "I'm not out, to my mom. I need to talk to her, and I have to admit I'm terrified."

I stared straight ahead, both desperate to see how she would react to this information, and terrified of what I would read in her face.

"You're gay?" She was smiling. There was no sign of judgement or pity on her face.

"Yeah," I said, feeling the weight of the word and the label settle over me. I found I wasn't frightened of it, or rather, I wasn't frightened of being gay, only of what it would mean to the people I loved. "Yeah I am. It's taken me a long time to admit that." I grinned.

She smiled back broadly, "I was terrified when I told my parents, but it was much easier than I expected," Again I saw the flash of pain around her eyes. I was beginning to understand what it might mean. "They took it really well." She looked away quickly, and bit down hard on her lower lip.

I gave her a moment of silence, torn between wanting to comfort her, and wanting to jump for joy at her shared confidence. I reached across the table and placed my hand on hers.

"Thanks. I guess, Ill just have to work up the courage and get it over with."

She nodded, "Well, I don't know what use I'd be but, if you need any support or whatever, let me know. I owe you Leah."

I didn't like the sound of that so much, I didn't want her to feel beholden to me, "No, Harper, you don't owe me anything. Seriously!" She raised her eyebrows at me, and I waved a hand, try to brush away and ridiculous sense of obligation, "Look, how about after breakfast, we go for a hike or something. You can coach me on good coming out techniques, heck we can take a picnic make a day of it. You've been alone a while haven't you?" She nodded, "Well why don't you relax, enjoy some fellow human company, and not worry about owing anyone anything."

She sighed, and sounded a little exasperated. "Fine, whatever you say." A grin spread across her face, "But I will find a way to make it up to you."

I knew she wasn't going to give up on the idea, but I let it be. In spite of my new foray into honesty, I wasn't quite ready to tell her that it was more than enough just to be near her.

**(AN: Sorry if this got a bit ragged towards the end. I just received news from my family, that a friend of ours whose been fighting cancer isn't going to get better. Um I'm a bit thrown by this. I really love writing this story and I'm going to keep updating as much as I can because, I don't know writing this is fun, enjoyable, cathartic? But if this story starts to get incoherent, pull me up ok? I want these to characters to help eachother to get better within themselves, cos you know I want the same thing for me, and for everyone. Sorry this is a little personal and silly, but I hope all of you feel loved, and safe, and hopeful. Bless bless.)**


	8. Everything Was Beautiful & Nothing Hurt

**Chapter 8 – Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt**

**Harper**

I drained my second cup of coffee, and marvelled at the amount of food Leah was able to eat. I'd had a fairly hearty breakfast myself, a muffin and two slices of toast with cream cheese and avocado, but this girl made eating an art form. Watching her wolf down a third bowl of cereal, and follow it up with another slice of toast with jam. Judging by the size of the young people here in La Push, their appetites must be converted into height and muscle. I was bombarded with hilarious mental images, and couldn't help laughing. Leah looked up at me, surprise painted on her face, half a slice of toast still raised to her lips. Another bout of laughter hit me.

"What?" She asked, grinning a little sheepishly.

I took a deep breath, and tried to look serious. "You and Seth should do cereal commercials in Australia. I could totally see that." I mimed holding up a box, and putting on my best ocker accent said, "Nutri-Grain! It's Iron Man food!"

Leah nearly choked on her toast. "Do people really talk like that? I mean, you have an accent and all but..."

I grinned, "Nah not really, just in small country towns, or if they're having a laugh. It's weird being here. I can hear my own accent so much more. It's like everyone else's accents are becoming normal to me, so my own stands out I guess."

She smiled, and drank the last of her coffee. "I like your accent." Then she grinned. "It does stand out, but it reminds me that there's a world outside of La Push. I have to get out of here some day." She sighed wistfully. "It must be amazing being able to go wherever you want, whenever you want. I'd love to see the world the way you've been doing. How long have you been travelling in that van?"

I had to think for a moment, counting the days, weeks, months. "I flew into San Francisco at the beginning of June. I spent a month with Celeste, this awesome, old, hippie lady. She pretty much gave me the van, and I've been travelling ever since. So I guess that's four months? I don't know I'm terrible at dates, and I've barely paid any attention to time." I shrugged, but couldn't help feeling a little bit of alarm at how much time had blurred. I really needed to start being aware of my life again; otherwise it would slip right by me. "I've, sort of, been avoiding civilisation, but I have seen some amazing places. Where do you want to go?" I asked, hoping to change the focus of the conversation back to her.

"I don't know," she said. Her eyes took on a faraway look. "Everywhere? South America, Africa, Asia, Australia?" She grinned at me, and I felt like I was looking at a face Leah didn't let many people see. "I guess I want to see it all, or at least as much of it as I can." Then that smile faded a little, and her eyebrows creased. "But I for now I'm stuck here. That doesn't mean I can't show you the best places around La Push! Even if it's only a tiny little res town, it's home, and I know exactly where we should go today."

I wanted to ask what was keeping her here and why it made her so tens; but I remembered what Seth had said the night before. I remembered that Leah had her own raw places and obligations to live up to. A momentary wave of guilt and fear hit me, as I thought about the expectations and obligations I wasn't living up to. Watching Leah, her sense of duty, made me think that maybe there were things I could learn from her. Maybe if I could get to know here some of her strength and capability would rub off on me. I began to feel excited about the day ahead of us.

"So where are we going then?" I asked, feeling a rush of anticipation.

She smiled slyly. "Well there's a hike involved, but if you're up to it, you'll find out when we get there."

It took all of fifteen minutes for us to clear up the breakfast mess. Leah tried to convince me to sit back and relax, but I refused and dried dishes after she washed. Another ten minutes later we were wearing hiking boots, and were ready to go. Leah carried a large pack, which she had packed while I was changing and putting on my boots. She refused to let me look inside or help her carry it. I couldn't help but admire the ease with which she carried the heavy burden.

Outside the day was frosty but clear. The sun was shining, adding a faint warmth to the crisp bite of the air. I breathed deeply, revelling in the mingling scents of salt and pine. Leah grinned at the expression on my face, and it I could barely stop myself from grabbing her hand and running down the street like a mad woman. I felt thrilled. I felt unstoppable. I was grinning like an idiot.

Leah led us down the end of her street, and onto a small path leading into the woods. The ground was soft earth and leaf litter. Roots and stones made for slightly unsteady footing, and we walked in comfortable silence navigating our way into the darkness of the forest. As I had before, I marvelled at the difference between this landscape and the one I'd up in.

Back home, in the bush I could walk for kilometres and name every type of tree I saw, ghost gums, banksias, or casuarinas. No matter deep I went into the scrub there was always light coming in from all around, washing everything in shades of grey, green and gold. Here everything was new, and alien, I was out of my element amongst soaring trees, with spreading limbs. The light filtered down from above, creating a cool, dark green haze.

Ahead of me, Leah moved lightly and quickly over the uneven terrain, despite the massive pack she was carrying. I was incredibly glad that my morning exercise routine meant I was fit enough to keep up. It was far too beautiful here to be distracted by tiredness.

"I grew up on a property in rural Queensland." I told her, "Dad was originally from Oregon, but he had a wild streak that didn't sit well with his folks." Strangely it didn't feel painful to talk about them here, underneath the protective branches of giant trees. Leah slowed down so we were walking closer together, and nodded at me to keep talking.

"He met my mum on a salvage boat in the Pacific. They were working as deck hands, and just fell head over heels for each other. She was from Melbourne, and he followed her all around the world from Indonesia to South America and all through Europe. They used to tell me stories about their adventures, and I was never quite sure whether to believe them, even though that had photos to prove it. When she finally took him home to meet her parents, he fell instantly in love with Australia. He used to say that it was the site of all his greatest achievements." I could feel tears building up in my eyes. I remembered how Dad used to look at Mum and me when he said that, leaving no doubt in my mind as to what he meant by achievements. I was glad Leah couldn't see my face.

"They never meant to have kids. They just wanted to travel around for the rest of their lives. But I showed up anyway, and spent the first five years of my life in a caravan, driving through central Australia, and seeing sights I was far too young to appreciate.

"I guess I caught the travel bug from them. Dad used to teach me about living off the land, he was a sucker for that Bush Tucker Man stuff. Whenever we stopped for the night he'd take me into the scrub and point out all the things that were edible. By the time I had to start school, neither he nor Mum could stand the idea of living in a town. So they ended up buying a property fifteen k outside of a tiny country town in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. We lived in the caravan for another year until Dad built a house..." I trailed off.

Somehow, in this _between _place, with Leah keeping pace ahead of me, and the steady rhythm of our footsteps lulling my mind into serenity, I had managed to do something I'd never thought I'd be able to do ever again. Since my parents had died, I had barely been able to think about them without fear, and pain. Now here I was telling their story and mine, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. I felt as if I had reclaimed a part of my past that had seemed to be lost, and gone forever.

Leah looked back over her shoulder at me. She smiled, and for a brief moment I felt like I was home again, and safe. "That's a pretty incredible story." She said softly.

"You know what the weirdest thing is?" I asked, and even though I hadn't expected an answer, she shook her head slightly. "I never realised the way we lived wasn't normal. Not until I was in high school, and I started listening to what other people said. Even though things must have been tough for them – they were crazy poor, and Dad had to pick up work wherever he could find it – I never felt anything except shelter and loved." _I haven't felt like that since they died._ I left the last part unsaid, but Leah seemed to understand.

She turned towards me, and took my hand. "Close your eyes." She whispered. I raised an eyebrow, not sure if I trusted the uneven ground. She smiled. "Trust me."

So I did.

...

**Leah**

Sometimes, as stereotypical and corny as it sounds, I can't help believing that there is some sort of strange magic that exists in the woods around La Push. Sure sure, those woods are full of vampires and werewolves, but that's not what I mean. The type of magic I'm talking about is in the strange half light that filters through the leaves. It's in that quiet, that's not quite silence. It's in the stillness that is so alive; it wipes away every unnecessary thought. That day, it was in Harper's voice, as she began to softly fill in some of the blanks.

I stayed silent. Drinking in every word, as pieces of who she was fell into place. Loving her, had hit me like an electrical shock. It was completely out of my control, and almost frightening in its power. But learning to know her? That was something else. It was like learning to run, that conflict of wanting go as fast I could, but also wanting to take my time and experience all there was. I was still frightened of falling. I could hear the tiny edges to her voice, the pauses, and the words she wasn't saying. There were still pieces missing. Something still ate at her at night, and there was still a thread of pain in her voice. I was beginning to suspect that I knew the source of it, but I didn't want to ask her to talk about it yet.

As I looked at this girl that had changed my life so permanently, I was awed by the realization that, no matter how hard you try, you can never know all there is to know about a person. I was thrilled at the idea of knowing her a little more every day, and still having more to learn. One day I'd tell her that I wanted to experience all of it with her, the bad, the good and the indescribable. For now, I just wanted to give her a day to remember. A beginning.

With her eyes shut tight, I lead her into the clearing.

"Don't open your eyes." I said, letting go of her hand. Quickly, and as quietly as I could, I unpacked the backpack I'd been carrying. I spread out a soft picnic blanket, and arranged the food I'd brought along, sandwiches, a Tupperware container full of salad, cold chicken from last night, a thermos full of coffee, a bottle of juice, and finally the last two muffins. Throwing two towels over my shoulder, I left the bag and returned to Harper's side. "Ok, you can open them."

A smile spread slowly across her face as she took in the view. Steam was rising over the hot spring. The clear, blue green water rippled gently against the rocks that ringed the pool. Trees rose up on all sides, affording this place total privacy and stillness.

"Oh," she sighed. I couldn't help grinning at the surprise in her voice. "Oh my gods, Leah this is just..."

"There are bigger springs, nearer the highway. There's a resort that gets pretty crowded in the summer, but not many people know about this one. I thought you might like it." I offer her a towel and she took it mutely.

For another moment she just stared around the clearing, taking in the soft light, the blanket and the picnic. Then she seemed to shake herself. She looked at me, those greenish brown eyes met mine and sparked with life.

"Thank you." So quickly it took me by surprise, she wrapped her arms around me. I barely had time to circle my own arms around her, before she stepped away. She dropped her towel to the ground, and shot me a wicked grin. "Last one in 's a rotten egg."

My jaw dropped, as she stripped down to her under shirt and boy legs. Trying not to look _too much_, I followed suit. Harper reached the edge of the pool first, and stepped gingerly onto the stone step someone had placed there long before either of us was born. Her eyes widened at the heat of the water.

"It's like a bath!" She said, grinning like a kid. She sank forward, and swam two stroke to the far side of the pool. With a blissful sigh, she turned and leant back against the smooth, warm stones. Her eyes closed, and her hair floated out around her. "Are you getting in or what?"

She opened her eyes, and that was all it took. I practically flew down the step, and pushed off against it, propelling myself to her side of the pool. She grinned as I settled in next to her, then lay back and closed her eyes again.

For the longest we floated there in contented silence. I watched the steam rising from the water in small spiralling clouds. The warmth of the water was barely noticeable against my superheated skin, but it relaxed me nonetheless. The warmth seeped through my skin, any remnants of what I thought were my life's great tragedies slipped away. Sam and Emily floated through my mind, and all I felt for them was the hope that they would be happy. My wolf skin underneath the skin I consider mine, didn't seem like a threat or a curse, it was simply a wild, free part of me that would be there when I needed it. My father, the guilt I felt about his death, the unfinished memories, the loneliness of missing him, all drifted away and sank to be purified in the pool's sandy bed. What was left was the laugh lines around his mouth and eyes, the sound of his laugh and the way he looked at me, and Mom and Seth.

I had nothing left to be afraid of, and with that certainty I reached through the water and took Harper's hand in mine. Her eyes opened slowly, as she turned towards me. There was a question in them, but I couldn't quite read it. I lifted my other hand out of the water, collecting one of her curls on the way. Almost shaking, I tucked it behind her ear, letting my hand trail down her neck. I bit my lower lip, not quite as sure of myself as I thought I was. Under the water, her fingers tightened around mine. Her breath hitched, and then there was nothing to be afraid of after all.

Her hand came to rest on my waist, and my fingers wound through the curls at the nape of her neck. I couldn't say who moved first, it was as if we just drifted together. Our lips met, and all of my awareness became enveloped in warmth, and sensation. Our joined hands released, hers moved up my arm, and mine snaked around the small of her back, drawing her closer. Her lips parted, and I could think of nothing except the simple, all consuming joy of this moment.

As I sank into her kiss, somewhere far away a wolf began to howl.

...

**(AN: Hello again friends! Guess what! I'm on holiday, yay! Uni is over for the semester so I'm spending some time with my folks. They're amazing, and all this peace and quiet is really really soothing and conducive to writing. So I hope to get a few more chapters done over the next week or so. Please please please let me know what you think of this one. Any comments, criticisms or suggestions are hugely welcomed. I hope all of you are full of goodness and joy, and I hope you've enjoyed this little forward momentum in Harper and Leah's relationship. Love love love.)**


	9. Still Falling

**Chapter 9 – Still Falling**

**Harper**

Leah and I floated on our backs, buoyed up by the mineral rich water of the spring, our hands just touching. Every now and then I would tilt my head towards her, and just watch the play of light on her cheeks, the rise and fall of her chest. Sometimes she'd catch me watching her, or I'd catch her watching me, and we'd both grin. The newness of this thing between us made it seem tentative and fragile, and at the same time desperately inviting. I relived the kiss, her hand in my hair, the way the water seemed to hold us together. There had been a moment when we'd broken apart. She'd had a troubled look on her face, and for a second I'd felt fear and anxiety welling up. But she'd turned back to me and smiled so sweetly that I'd forgotten how to worry. Then she had kissed me again and I'd forgotten how to even think.

I could feel a blush washing over me, but we were both so warm from the water that I doubted it would show on my skin. Feeling cheeky, I glanced over at Leah again. Our hands had drifted apart, and her eyes were closed. I curled my knees up, allowing myself to sink soundlessly beneath the water. When my feet touched down on the sandy bottom I took a moment to orient myself.

I could see Leah's silhouette floating just above me, as I tried to remain completely motionless beneath the water. Running out of breath and not wanting to lose my chance, I propelled myself off the bottom of the pool. I wrapped my arms around Leah's waist. She barely had time for a surprised gasp before I dragged her back under the water. For a moment we struggled, trying to gain dominance. I was making a break for the surface when I felt one of her arms hook around my back, and the other curled under my knees.

The next thing I knew I was lying in Leah's arms bride-style, gasping for breath. She leaned over me, her hair dripping, a mock glare plastered on her face. I grinned up at her, sheepishly, and tried to wriggle out of her arms.

"Not so fast!" Her grip tightened, effectively cutting short my struggles. "That wasn't very nice." She lifted me out of the water, and let me drop. Although she caught me before my head went under, a small shriek escaped my lips. She raised her eyebrow at me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I laughed.

"Much better," she said grinning. Quick as a breath she leant forward and kissed me gently. The warmth of the pool, of her company, of the day swam around me. It was thrilling, but comfortable, like coming home. With a shock I realised I was content, I was happy; properly happy, not just capable of enjoyment, but alive and well in every part of me. Sure this moment might not last, the fear and sadness would come back, but now I knew that I was capable of joy again and nothing could take that away.

I wrapped my arms around her neck, deepening the kiss. Her arms held me tighter and for a moment I thought we would fall backwards into the water. We broke apart with a couple of tiny kisses. My face felt sore from smiling so much. I reached up and cupped her cheek and she smiled into my hand.

"Lunch?" She asked.

I nodded. Although it almost grieved me to leave the pool my hands were pruney and the sun was high in the sky. I tried to swing my legs out of her grip to climb out of the pool, but her arms tightened around me. Instead she walked towards the stepping stone, and lifted me clear out of the water, walking over to the picnic matt as if I weighed nothing.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, not so much annoyed as surprised. "I'm so not used this. I'm usually the tall one."

"Whatever short stuff." Leah laughed, but let me scramble down.

"I'll have you know, I'm almost six foot." I said, stamping my foot in a mock huff.

"I'm very very sorry." She said, so earnestly I had to laugh. "I'd be shorter if I could. Now sit down and eat you crazy lady."

I surveyed the picnic arrayed before me, and realised I was _hungry!_ Also I was a little dizzy from being in the warm water so long. Wrapping a towel around my shoulders to ward off the chill in the air, I sat down cross legged on the edge of the blanket. Settling down across from me Leah gestured for me to help myself.

The absolute sweetness of the gesture momentarily took my breath away. I took a moment to drink in her features, the lean, angular lines of her body, her dark eyes. Her features were so strong, and expressive, she could go from fierce to silly with the tilt of an eyebrow. This beautiful had made me a picnic, taken me to the most beautiful little pocket of wilderness I had ever seen, and, on top of all of that, she'd kissed me. She'd kissed me in spite of the pathetic show I'd made of myself last night. She'd kissed me, and looked at me as if she wanted to again.

This was an all new kind of overwhelming. All the "what ifs" that had been held at bay by the serenity of the pool suddenly sprang up in my mind. Every possible worst case scenario danced in front of my eyes. For a second I felt my blood run cold with terror, then a burst of anger flooded through me. Who the hell was this person I'd become? In the year since my parents had died, I'd fallen so hard into a black pit of fear that... I was barely myself anymore. I suddenly felt angry about the parts of myself I'd lost, my ability to be direct and strong and brave. Sure I was not saint or hero before, but now I could barely stand myself.

I looked at Leah, this girl who looked at me and saw something she liked, and realised that I wanted to live up to that. It was time to start being brave again. I took a deep breath.

"Ok," I said, smiling nervously. "I'm probably going to overstate this, and be ridiculously awkward, but here goes." Leah looked over at me, a slight frown on her face. I rushed on hoping to ease any worry she was feeling. "I like you. I'm just gonna go right out there and say it. I think this has been the most beautiful, comfortable and romantic day... possibly ever. I think you're kind, beautiful, interesting, and just gosh-darn-frickin amazing, and you kissed me and that was completely and totally hot. Also I have no idea how long I'm going to be here, and what the hell I'm going to do with my life, or, you know, how to cope with the craziness that is my head. I know that you're not out, and that all of this is ridiculously and frighteningly complicated, but I'm willing to give it a go if you are. Also I'm totally over talking this, but..." I shrugged helplessly. "I figure if we each know where we stand, then there are less things to worry about... and as you know I have a problem when it comes to worrying."

There was a stunned expression on Leah's face. I felt the urge to tell to stop catching flies, and could feel a blush – probably visible this time – washing over me. But I held my silence, hoping I hadn't come across too over the top. Just as I was about to start worrying Leah, blinked and started laughing. I felt a knot loosen in my chest, she was smiling so broadly that even I couldn't worry that she wasn't happy.

I shot her a puppy-dog-eyes pout. "Ok so maybe that wasn't the most romantic speech ever, but surely it's a good place to start right?"

Leah chuckled one more time, and then her smile softened. "No it's great, totally. I wouldn't know what to do with romance, but you?" She bit her lip. "You complimented and comforted me at the same time. I like straight forward, I like honest, and I like you. So I, yeah, I agree." She grinned wicked. "So in the spirit of honesty, I'll tell you this. I am going to kiss you again, but I'm not going to tell you when."

I felt m eyebrows jump in surprise. "That's not exactly fair!"

"Neither was dragging me underwater." She replied.

Conceding the point, I shrugged and reached for one of the sandwiches in front of me. Leah poured two cups of coffee, and for a few minutes we were engrossed in our lunch. When I had eaten all I could and Leah had finished off all of the rest, afterwards we'd lazed around conversing idly about movies, especially the merits and downfalls of B-grade horror. Looking up I was surprised to find the sun was making it downward journey towards the west. The day had passed so effortlessly.

The golden afternoon light bathed the small clearing, and already I could feel the warmth leaving the air. Shivering, I hurried back into the clothes I'd discarded earlier, chafing my feet a little as I shoved them into my boots. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leah stiffen and turn towards the east, a worried frown flashing across her face.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

Leah gave a shake, and smiled. "I'm fine; it's just later than I thought it was. We'd better get a move on or it'll be dark before we get back." With the picnic bag already packed, and her dishevelled clothes back in place, Leah offered me a hand to stand up.

Accepting it with a smile, I was once again surprised at her strength, although at this point I really shouldn't have been. I flew upwards bouncing to my feet mere centimetres away from Leah. I glanced up at her grinning down at me, and wondered if now would be the time. Her head tilted an inch towards mine, and I bit my lip. Leah smirked, and leaned away, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"We'd better get going," she said, and stepped back. I narrowed my eyes, and she grinned wickedly at me.

"Screw that," I said, and took a step forward, took her face in both my hands, and drew her down into a fierce kiss. Her arm snaked around the small of my back, and she tilted me backwards deepening the kiss. I felt my sense of gravity tilt, as I relaxed into her arms. My lips parted in a grin, and Leah drew away slightly. I opened my eyes to find her looking at me, an amused smile fluttering over her lips.

"That wasn't fair," she murmured. I grinned and gave her lower lip a small peck, before stepping back.

"Hey you only mentioned you were going to kiss me, you didn't say anything about me kissing you." With that I headed towards the small path leading away from the clearing. Barely a second later Leah was by my side. She took my hand in hers, and we walked on together in comfortable silence.

...

**Leah**

My heart was trying fight its way forcibly out of my chest. As we exchanged the warm, golden light of the clearing for the shadowed greens of the forest, I felt afraid for the first time in years. This day, this day, this goddamned, amazing and terrifying day. The moment her lips had met mine I'd felt as if I were breathing for the first time in my life. The almost painful completeness of being with her, of making her smile, and laugh and fill with joy, was punctuated with the calls of my brothers, far away from us in the woods.

At first it has just been Sam, probably on his second shift in as many days. But after he sounded the first call, he'd been joined by Jake, and Seth. Before I knew it I was hearing the distant sounds of both packs meeting. Then silence.

Although there hadn't been a direct call of alarm, for almost all the La Push wolves to have come together, something big must have gone down. We had rules about who answered whose calls. If I had been alone, or in a situation where I could leave easily I would have been out in the woods in wolf form myself. As Jake's Beta, by rights I should be. But how could I leave her, especially now if there was something to fear.

With the shadows growing longer I couldn't help feeling that every patch of darkness might hold some threat to this new and beautiful change in my life. My first duty from now on would always be to her, and part of me hated myself for it. There was honesty and sincerity to the way Harper had looked and spoken today, that I couldn't match. I wanted what she was offering. I wanted to get to know her, to enter into the beginnings of a relationship, with timidity, and excitement. I wanted to grow to love her, and to choose to love her.

I wanted her to have a choice in me, even if it meant she might not choose to love me. But could either of us choose if she knew that I was bound to her no matter what? How could I introduce her to my world of secrets and complications, where nothing was simple or sincere?

I remembered what she'd said... _all of this is ridiculously and frighteningly complicated, but I'm willing to give it a go if you are._ Surely that had to be enough, and I had to be willing to try. What Jake had said last night rang true, I had to tell her and soon. Especially considering that no matter how careful Jake was with his thoughts, Embry, Quill and Seth would all know by now.

Seth, I felt my heart clench a little at the thought of him finding this out from the pack mind rather than from me. Whatever else was going on I hoped he would forgive me for not being the one to tell him. At least the separated packs meant that, while Jake and Sam could communicate mind to mind, Sam couldn't simply pick the thought out of Jake's head. That was one conversation I would get to have at face value.

Harper's hand tightened in mine as the terrain grew unstable again. The light was fading faster than ever here under the trees, and as the darkness grew so did my anxiety. What had brought the packs together? Was there some new danger stalking us in these very woods? I had to fight the urge to swing Harper up in my arms, and run all the way home.

"Tell me a story?" Her voice seemed small in the darkness, but there was a lightness to her question that went a way to calming my anxiousness. I smiled and moving closer, so that I could wrap my arm around her shoulders. It made walking slightly difficult but the path was narrow, and we could navigate it better closer together.

"What kind of story?" I asked.

"A true one." She paused and looked up at me, slipping her around my waist. "A memory or something special, I don't know, I just want to know more about you."

I bit my lip, taking a moment to consider. "When I was about six years old, just after Seth was born, I went with my dad to visit Mom and my new baby brother in the hospital in Seattle. It was one of the first times I ever left La Push. Dad took me to a huge mall in Seattle, and it was the busiest place I had ever seen. There were people and everywhere.

"I remember as soon as we were inside, Dad turned to me and said, 'Stay very close to me. If you get lost here, I might _never _find you again.' Being six years old, I took him totally seriously. Unfortunately, being six years old, the first shop window we passed was so interesting that I just had to stop and look at it. When I turned around he was gone." Harper laughed gently, but waited for me to continue.

"I think I burst into tears right then and there. I was completely convinced that I was lost forever, and I would either have to live in the mall for the rest of my life, or get taken away by strangers. I had never been so scared before."

"You poor thing!" Harper murmured with a small hint of laughter still in her voice.

"Of course, that's not what happened. Some friendly lady took my hand and led me over to information so that they could call my parents over the PA. When they explained to me that I wasn't going to be lost forever, and that my dad would be there soon, I calmed down a little bit, although now I was worried that he'd be mad at me. The guy at the information booth gave me a lollipop. I think he meant to calm me down, but because my parents were never big on candy that lollipop suddenly made everything worth it. I was so freaking happy by the time Dad showed up, that the whole event had become this amazing adventure in my mind. To top it all off Dad wasn't even mad at me. He was the next time though."

"Next time?" Harper looked up at me perplexed. I grinned.

"Well, after the great Seattle Adventure I kind of got this idea that getting lost was a good thing. A really super awesome good thing... with candy. So whenever my parents took me to a mall or a supermarket after that, I tried to 'get lost.' I became an expert at figuring out the exact moment they weren't looking at me, so I could slip away. It wasn't long until every employee in every store within a fifty mile radius knew what I was up to. They'd just sit me down in a corner and within five minutes my Mom or Dad would be there. After that I figured asking for help was boring, but I still liked slipping away. So I'd deliberately get as lost as I possibly could, and then make a challenge out of trying to find my parents. Honestly I'm surprised they didn't put me on a leash. It was great though, I know every single public building in Forks or La Push like the back of my hand."

I remembered my dad, how he'd been worried to begin with, then annoyed, eventually he was just curious to know where I'd been. He'd always been patient, even when I was being a brat he just sighed and did his best to explain why I had acted wrongly. I still couldn't understand how a man so patient, so kind, and goddamned unflappable could be so shocked as to have a heart-attack. I felt again the flush of guilt that always came when I remember the look on his faces and way he had just crumpled as if his bones had disintegrated.

Harper's arm tightened around my waist. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's hard isn't it? Remembering."

I looked down at her, and I was certain know of the reason for the sadness in her eyes. I knew why she had travelled halfway around the world, and why she couldn't stop.

"Will you tell me about them?" I asked.

Her breath hitched, and I saw her crumple just a little as if her legs couldn't quite hold her weight. "I don't know if I can yet," she said quietly. Then her tone brightened, just a little. "Besides, look, we're almost home."

Ahead there was a break in the trees, and the path ran out into the remnants of the afternoon light. With my arm around her, and the warmth of the day still in my blood, her words rang true. There were things I needed to find out, conversations that would have to take place, and a hundred details still to work out. But she was right. Every step I took with her by my side was one step closer to home.

**(AN: Hi friends, sorry it took me so long to update. Everything is hectic crazy, and a little frightening. Sorry no details. However I am going to promise you one thing, I am not giving up on this story, not yet, and I promise I will let you know if I do. Sooooooooooooooooo I will do my bestest to update more regularly, and thank you to everyone who has commented on this story I appreciated you all so much. So please please let me know how you're finding this story. Love love love.)**


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